


Dear Diary

by The_Readers_Writer



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Eventual Smut, F/M, Finnrey, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I'm getting very comfortable with my readers which is why the note down below exisits, Loss of Virginity, Sexual Content, Smut, diary entries, finally made it to finnrey friday!!, finn has a crush on rey, finnreyfridays, i couldn't have come up with a more cliche title, rey has a crush on finn, sorry if i forgot a tag, the fluff is strong on my blog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-22 11:02:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Readers_Writer/pseuds/The_Readers_Writer
Summary: This story takes place in the diary of Rey. As she tries to navigate through her world with it's many ups and downs, life lessons, first loves, heart breaks, and life's several losses and victories.





	1. First Entry

**Author's Note:**

> As I have said before, I promise to update Blood Bag soon. But this idea just came to me, and in my personal opinion it was too good not to write down. And when I say 'came to me' I mean I was sitting on the couch throwing back a couple of beers reading Dr. Suess to my nephew while my mom was flipping in between LifeTime and Grey's Anatomy....ugh. I know, I know. Random right!!! But that's how my thoughts function, they come to me completely from left field or out of no where. I hope y'all like this story, and as I have also said before comments are appreciated and so is constructive criticism!! I only want to get better. Tell me what you like and what you don't like. Enjoy:)))
> 
> ps disclaimer....don't own anything!!

May 11th, 2015

Dear Diary, 

Ughhhhh!!!!! What I wouldn't give to be in the city pool right now!! It's 103 degrees outside, and as always I'm stuck underneath the hood of a car I have to have fixed and ready to go by tomorrow morning. I actually want to go and shut the garage door so I won't have to see someone in their bathing suit walk by every ten seconds or so. Knowing exactly where they're headed off to.

But at the same time, I can't. Not only are we not closed for the day, but the temperatute would no doubt spike at the very least twenty degrees without any air to circulate through. 

So as I'm forced to continue to watch normal kids smiling with their friends, all chatting together about how they can't wait to get to the pool to cool down...here I stand. All alone in the garage. Not that I'm complaining about my job or anything.I'm very lucky to have it. It's just every once in a while I'd like to know what it feels like to be 'normal'.

After I aged out of the foster care system, the last family who I was living with noticed that I was quite handy with tools and when it came to fixing things. The first time they noticed, it was because the pipe underneath the kitchen sink burst while I was doing the dishes. Naturally, I was the first one to try and fix it. The second time, was when one of the bedroom doors wouldn't close properly. Just to get all of the younger kids to go to sleep, I ran to go and fix that one too. But what probably landed me my job was the last thing I can remember fixing around my old foster house. 

Mr. Luke, the man who's house I had stayed in last, noticed that his tire was flat right before he had to run out and take one of the other kids to their doctors appointment. I was already out in the front yard, keeping an eye on the younger kids, so I walked over to help him. Asking for tool after tool, and helping him replace his tire with a new one, must've really impressed him.

"You seem to know your way around quite a few things" he said to me. "It's just something you pick up on after being in so many different places" I said back. 

I didn't really read too much into it, merely dismissing it as a polite comment. Not that Mr. Luke wasn't a kind man, much 'much' kinder than most of the foster families I managed to land in over the years. But I never thought that that guesture of helping him with his tire would actually give me a shot at, well....life. Once kids in the foster care system age out, it's normally a two way road. Turn to drugs, or turn to things that could land you in jail.

I still remember that day so well. I had been dreading it for so long, and I know had I been in the care of someone less kind than Mr. Luke, I would've ended up on the street and stayed there. 

But, as I was in my room that I shared with four other girls, packing my things, expecting an 'eviction notice' I was only greeted with a simple, "Do you know how to do more than just change a tire?"

I turned around, eyeing him with caution. "Well" I began. "I think I know a decent amount about cars actually." Anything that required a motor really. They always seemed to interest me for some reason. Even when I was younger. And once I was started high school, I was always eager to take a shop class, or go to the library to brush up on V6 engines or anything else there was to read about cars. I had even allowed myself to think about pursuing a career as an engineer once or twice. Taking classes for it at some fancy college. But it was only a thought, and thoughts can't pay tuition.

"You should go down to my sister and brother-in-laws garage sometime, if you feel like it." He reached into his wallet and produced a wrinkled up, old looking, and faded card. On it read, 'Solo Garage' with two phone numbers next to the names 'Han' and 'Leia.'

"They're always so busy and I'm sure they would appreciate any help that they could get." He gently smiled at me before turning to leave the room I was in. Only for a second looking behind me that had my bag with all of my clothes stuffed into it. So before exiting the room, he stopped and looked over his shoulder before saying, "If you're going somewhere, just remember, cerfew is at eleven o'clock" and then walked out. I guess that was his non-chalant way of saying that I wasn't going to be thrown out. 

I sat back on my bed and breathed a sigh of relief. I had a roof over my head. Even if it was only for a few more months, or weeks, I still had a place to live. Eighteen didn't seem like it was starting off all that bad.

The next day I road my bike over to the address on the card to Solo Garage. It was a pretty ordinary looking garage, that wasn't to far away from where I lived, and it was in a pretty decent section of the neighborhood. I walked in the front door, and was greeted with silence. No one was there, so I decided to take a seat and just wait. 

Maybe twenty seconds later a man walked out of the garage, and into the area that I was waiting in. He looked at me, then turned his head back before yelling, "Ben!" With no answer after a few moments he turned back to me and asked, "Have you been waiting there long?" I shook my head as I went to stand up. "Sorry, my son is supposed to up front, but he's gone missing yet again." 

He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a red rag to wipe his hands on, then walked behind the counter, and began typing. "So are you the twelve o'clock appointment that's been having transmission problems?" he asked. I shook my head again.

"Actually, I'm uhhh..." I just realized that I hadn't thought of what I was going to say. "Well, Mr. Luke Skywalker said to come down, and umm..." well, there goes my chances at getting a job here.

"Oh, Luke! I remember my wife saying something about sending an extra pair of hands down here to help out. Leia!" he turned and yelled just as he had done earlier. 

Not even two seconds later, a short older woman walked out from behind the corner. She looked at me and immediately smiled. I smiled back at her, just by how nice she seemed to appear. That and because I couldn't help but notice the strong resemblance she held to Mr. Luke. "So you must be Rey" she said extending her hand. I placed my hand in hers, and she grabbed onto it with her other hand aswell before shaking it. "The extra help. Huh, he didn't tell me you were such a pretty thing." I could feel my cheeks start to heat up after she said that. "Well, if you'll just follow me" she said. Even though I didn't really need to, because she hadn't let my hand go.

All I really remember hearing after that was, "You can start tomorrow." I was so happy. I looked up at the both of them, just to clarify that I had heard correctly. "You're offering me a job?" I asked. I could feel my mouth turning into a smile. Han was going through a file cabinet, and had his back to me. But he quickly turned around and said, "Hey, we wouldn't be nice to you" he said with a touch of what I could only assume was sarcasm. "But still..." I said. "You're offering me a job?" 

Han went to open his mouth to say something, but Leia held her hand up. "Don't pay any mind to him. His last name may be on the outside of the building, but you'll soon figure out who the boss is around here. Yes, we're giving you a job" she said with the same smile never leaving her face. I remember walking out of the garage, holding my head a little higher that day.

And today, I'm still trying to keep it held high. It's been a few months now, and if I have my budget down correctly and continue working like how I am, I'll have enough to start college for the fall semester. I'm excited about it, but at the same time, I'm trying to remain calm. Because anything could go wrong at anytime. And wouldn't you know it. With one hour left before we closed the garage, I can hear a loud commotion coming from the interior part of the office. I lift my head out from underneath the hood and walk over to the door. I look from behind the corner and see Ben standing at the register, before he gets swipped across his face with what looks like a crowbar. Before I can even realize what's happening, the attacker jumps over the counter, cracks open the register and empties it out completely. All of our funds for the day, which means my funds are in there too.

He hops back over the counter and out the door before I even get a good enough look at him. I look down and see the Solo's family dog curled up on the floor asleep. "Some guard dog you are Chewie" I say. I hear Han and Leia approach behind me asking 'what happened? what happened?' And before I let them reach me, I'm running out the door, and hot on the trails of whoever just robbed us.

"Rey, no!" I hear Leia say. But I know she'll make no physical attempt to stop me, because she's taking care of Ben right now. I see the guy a few yards in front of me, and how he's able to run in this weather as fast as he is with a black hoodie on is beyond me. He turns a corner, and I loose my sight on him for a small moment. After I get from around the corner I see a character with a black hoody on in the middle of the sidewalk, not moving at all. Just standing there, bending over picking up the money he stole from us.

I ran up to him as fast as I could. I guess he heard my footsteps behind him. He quickly turned around then faced forward and tried to run away, but I was already too close to him and bulldogged him right in his chest. He fell back down on the ground, as his hood fell off. I stood up as fast as I could, then placed my foot on his chest. 

As soon as his eyes opened and he looked up at me, I looked down at him and harshly said, "What's your hurry, theif?!"


	2. Second Entry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooo sorry for the enormous gap in between chapters one and two. I wrote this story out of an impulse that just came to me one day, and had no other thought process to finish it. So I don't know if this chapter will be any good or not, but hopefully y'all enjoy, and thank you for reading it. Also, please leave comments :))

May 15th, 2015

Dear Diary,

Sooooo yea....I think I made a huge mistake the other day. Wait till you hear about this. 

That guy that I was chasing who I had 'assumed' stole from us, wasn't actually the guy who stole from us. Or...wait, that doesn't make any sense. Let me try again. 

There happened to be two guys, within a one block radius, who both were wearing black hoodies...hmm, curious. But anyway, the guy who stole from the garage ran into the guy who I uhh...ended up tackling and nearly assaulting. The only thing that stopped me, was our conversation that ended up going a little like this...

"What?! Thief!? What are you talking about?!" he screamed.

"This money! You just stole it from Solo Garage!" I screamed back at him, still keeping my foot placed firmly atop his chest. If he had any bright ideas about trying to roll away from me and run, then he had another thing coming. 

"Solo Garage!? I didn't steal anything from them! As a matter a fact, I was just..." he made an attempt to stand but I was having none of it. I pressed my foot harder into his chest forcing him back down onto the ground. "Stay down!" I yelled, drawing the attention of a few passer-bys.

Once he was back down on the ground to the point where I felt like I had the upper hand, he put his hands up in surrender style. "Listen, I was just on my was to Solo Garage. I swear it! Why would I steal from a place and then go right back to it to get serviced?" he asked me. It almost looked like his eyes were pleading with me to believe him. I wasn't fully sold on his story, but it did make sense. However, what didn't make sense was the fact that he was kneeling over the money from the register in the exact same attire that I saw the thief in. 

"So why is it that I saw the thief running away in a black hoody, and low and behold I find another person picking up all the cash, who also happens to be wearing a black hoody? Unless you forgot, which I'm sure would be quite impossible to do, it's May. And the last time I checked the temperature it said that it was ninety-seven degrees outside." He didn't hesitate, not even for a moment. "I have to wear this for my job, maybe the person 'WHO ACTUALLY DID ROB YOU' works there too!" he said matter-of-factly. 

Still not removing my foot, I removed my phone from my pocket. "Okay, we'll see about this. What time was your appointment?" I barked at him harshly. 

"12:30. My name is Finn Storm" he said. 

I dialed the number for the garage and Leia was the first to pick up. "Solo Garage" she said. She sounded very calm, like she always does. So I went ahead and assumed that Ben was okay, and that the police were called. 

"Leia it's me, Rey" I said. 

"Oh sweetheart! Are you okay!? Han, it's Rey on the phone!" she screamed. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that this is what concerned parents sound like when their child has stayed out passed curfew or something. 

"Yes I'm fine, and I got the money back." I said. 

"Who cares about the money Rey, as long as you're alright!" Leia shrieked. 

"Well now, wait a minuet, I care about the money, and so should..." I could hear Han say, sensing that ever-present sarcasm in his voice.

"Oh shut up, Han" I could hear Leia say in the background. "Did you see the person who took the money?" I heard Han ask. 

"Well that depends" I said, looking down at a man who could possibly get a foot to the face if I was given the wrong answer over the phone. 

"Depends? Depends on what?" Han asked. 

"Could you do me a favor and see who the 12:30 appointment is, please?" I asked. 

"12:30 appointment? What does that have anything to do with..." Han started to say, but it sounded like the phone was snatched away from him by Leia. "Oh Han, you're impossible!" I heard her say in the background. I heard some clicking on the keyboard which I assume came from the front desk, before I heard Leia state, "The 12:30 appointment is for you Rey. And it's for a tire rotation, oil change, and a steering pump replacement, by a Mr. Finn Storm. Funny he hasn't shown up yet and it's five minuets till." 

I felt my cheeks go red with embarrassment as soon as those words were uttered. I removed my foot from Mr. Storms chest, without looking at him before replying to Leia, "Oh I'm sure he'll show up. I however, my be a bit late on my walk back. I'll see you in a bit" I said. "Okay sweetheart, bye" Leia said.

I placed my phone back in my pocket, then slowly looked over to the man who was still on the ground. "Now do you believe me?" he asked, his hands still in surrender mode. I was so humiliated I couldn't muster the strength to say anything to him. "Well, can I at least get up now?" he asked. I extended my hand out to him helping him up off the ground which was my fault to begin with. Once he was on his feet he proceeded to reach down, pick up all the money that was on the ground, shove it into the brown paper bag that it had fallen out of, and hand it back to me. 

I couldn't think of a single thing in the world to say to this man. An apology was in order absolutely, but my tongue was completely tied. My foot, that was removed from his chest was now placed in my mouth. But seemingly so, after everything that had happened, me throwing him to the ground, yelling at him, and accusing him of robbery, he didn't appear to be upset with me. He was just standing there with an easy going expression on his face. "I'm...." I began to say. Only he held his hand up to stop me. 

"It's okay" he said. "From what you described to me, the situation did seem a little off I'm sure from your point of view. No harm done" he said with a smile on his face. 

I raised my eyebrows, completely in shock that this man was not absolutely livid with me. "Umm, okay. Uhh...follow me" I said gesturing back towards the way we came. 

On the way back, I walked in silence, holding the money bag firmly in front of me. 

"So the tow truck should be dropping my car off in front of your shop any minuet. I couldn't drive it any more because the tires are so bald" I think this was his attempt at making conversation with me to try to lighten the mood. But I was in no rush to further humiliate myself so I remain quiet until he asked a question that I had to answer. 

"So you know all about me. Well...not all about me, but my name at least" he said with a chuckle. "Let me officially introduce myself" he said extending his hand out to me. "I'm Finn Storm. What's your name?" I just looked at him, placing a firmer grasp on the only hand that remained on the money bag, and extended my other out to him. 

"I'm Rey" I said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it kind of ended just like how I did in that one chapter of blood bag when Finn and Rey introduced themselves to one another but I CANT HELP IT!!!! it was such a cute meeting for the space babes, and I feel like it should be in a lot more finn/rey stuff, but that's just me. I promise it won't be as long for the next chapter :))


	3. Third Entry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it wouldn't be that long of a wait :))

May 23rd, 2015

Dear Diary,

You would not believe how much things can change in a week. Because I'm living, breathing, honest to God proof that things can change completely within the span of one week, one day, fourteen hours, thirty seven minutes, and twelve seconds. Thirteen seconds...fourteen seconds....fifteen seconds....but ya know, who's counting??

It all started back on the day that I met that Finn guy. And ya know, ended up tackling him, and accusing him of something he didn't do it turns out. But anyway, as he and I were walking back to the shop, we started talking a bit. First it was just simple stuff, like what's your name and things like that. But once his car was dropped off and I got to work on it, he started talking to me again. Starting off with things about the car.

"So are the tires as bad as I think they are?" he asked.

I scooted from underneath the car and looked over at him. "Worse" I replied. "I'm surprised you haven't gotten yourself killed with how bald these tires are. If it rained while you were out driving you'd have absolutely no traction what-so-ever and would be sliding all over the place, possibly into someone else's car." I said. He made a distressed face and ran his hand behind his head and gave his neck a few rubs. 

After I was done rotating the tires, I popped the hood of the car to inspect what else needed to be repaired. I pulled the dib stick out and wiped it against the rag hanging out of my pocket. Yet again, Finn was right there hovering over my shoulder ready to ask another question. 

"How's the oil looking?" he asked again. It still seemed like he was trying to lighten the mood from what had happened earlier, but I was in no mood to chit chat and also in no mood to re-embarrass myself all over again. 

"Well" I began. "From the looks of the fluid it looks like you needed to get your oil changed about three thousand miles ago." I stated. He gave off the distressed look again, but this time he looked down at the floor and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Don't you know anything about cars?" I asked, surprising myself at my bluntness. He just stood there looking at me. Not giving me a 'yes' or 'no' not shaking or nodding his head. Nothing. So I spoke up again. "Do you no the basics? The bar minimum?" Still nothing but silence from him. "This type of cars...well, cars in general actually, have to be re-serviced every few thousand miles or so. If not, it will start to back up the fluids in the engine, causing problems for the transmission, and so on." Still remaining silent, he finally took his hands out of his pockets, and then answered me. 

"I don't have a lot of time on my hands to run through a garage every so often" he said. 

I blew my breath. "Well, if you don't want to end up paying for another car, I suggest you find the time."

I went forward with the process of changing the oil, and when I was finished with that went back to the clipboard. The steering pump replacement was the last thing on the list. But before I could start on that, and have Finn stand over my shoulder and ask me if it was as bad as it looked, which actually yes, it was, it was actually much, much worse than it looked, he said that he had to go.

"Excuse me, but I've got to get going" he said. 

"But I'm not done servicing the car" I said back. 

"I know, I know. I didn't realize it was going to take this long and I've got somewhere to be" he said back. 

"Okay" I said back. I went to wipe my hands on the rag hanging out of my pocket before directing him towards the front. "You can pay for the services I did handle up front at the register. Unless you're planning on robbing us for real this time" I chuckled. Then suddenly felt myself go red in the face. Why did I say that?! I had already chased him down, and nearly beaten him for thinking that he robbed our garage. That was completely out of line, and he would probably be offended after he heard me say something like that. But all I ended up hearing was a returned chuckle.

"Ha ha, no I promise I won't rob you guys ever. You offer too good of a service to steal from" he said. 

He walked passed me as I was frozen in my tracks. I guess he didn't realize that I thought what I said would offend him, and was extremely off putting. But he didn't seem to mind. 

After he was done paying Ben for the tire rotation and the oil change, he turned back around and looked at me. While I still stood there completely shocked that he wasn't upset at the comment I had just made. What he said next to me was even more so surprising. 

"Hey, do you have a business card or anything? I'd prefer you to work on my car again the next time I come here. You seem to really know your stuff, and you're already familiar with it and everything since you already worked on it today." 

Unable to say anything, I just raised my arm and pointed to the cards that were placed neatly in the card holder by the front desk. I could hear him reading through out all of them.

"Han...Leia...aha! Here we go Rey Kenobi. When I get some free time, I'll be sure to ask for you. See ya later Rey" he said waving me off and then leaving. 

I don't know what it was about him. But for the next few days, every time the phone rang, I was secretly wishing it was him. Until finally one day, I over heard Leia pick up the phone and say my name back to whomever was on the other line. 

"Yes absolutely. It will actually be her last opening for the day. Rey gets off work at six" I heard her say. Ever since I had worked there no one had ever asked for me personally, so I figured it had to be him. 

I never found the courage to ask her, but at 4:45 sharp, who do you think came strolling in? I almost wanted to run up to him and say hi, but what would he think of something like that? Some random mechanic girl that he had met once before under very odd circumstances running up to him to say, 'Hi Finn!!!' So I decided not to do that. But wouldn't you know he came up to me and did just that?

"Hi Rey!" he exclaimed. "I guess my car has been missing you, it's been making this weird sound that I hope you can get it to stop with that pumping thing you were talking about." I couldn't help but smile. Not only at how excited he seemed to see me again, but also at the fact of how absolutely clueless he was about his car. I mean, don't guys normally know the basics of car anatomy? Not this one, evidently.

Anyway, after all was said and done, I glanced over at the clock and it was nearing ten after six. I informed him just as I had done last time that he should walk over to the counter where Ben stood in order to pay for the service. When out of no where he spoke up. 

"Hey, I was just about to grab a burrito from this place around the corner from here. You, maybe wanna...come with me?? Maybe...if you want to?" he asked. I was absolutely shocked. Why wasn't this guy mad at me? Why didn't he press charges against me for assault, and accusing him of theft? And more importantly than any of that, why was he so cute, the way he was looking at me!? Why was I completely mesmerized by his puppy dog eyes, and the way his cheeks seemed to lift off of his face when he smiled. And feeling the way the I did about all of this, naturally, I said no.

"No...I can't I've got some work to do around here" I said.

Finn just smiled at me. "Liar, liar pants on fire. Your boss told me that you get off work at six" he said, that stupid cute smile of his still plastered on his face. 

I was surprised that he remembered that. "Well, it's not work...'per-say'" I said. "It's just, that I've got to..."

I was about to come up with some other lame excuse before I heard a not so subtle whisper come from the other room. 

"Just go Rey!! He's really cute!" Undeniably Leia's voice was heard by not only me, but Finn as well. 

He and I just stared at each other for the longest of time, before we both broke out in a soft laughter. Guessing that I had no choice, seeing how my excuses were completely broken down, I looked over to Finn and softly said, "Let me get my purse."


	4. Fourth Entry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS!!!! I need all of y'all out there reading this to pray for Space Mom aka Carrie Fisher, and for her to recover quickly!!! She just had a heart attack! Keep her in your prayers
> 
> P.S. also, sorry the chapter is so short

June 1st, 2015

Dear Diary,

What an incredible couple of weeks it's been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! !

Things have been going absolutely great for me!!! My job is going great, I just did all of the calculations for my budget, and guess what!? I can afford college!! I pre-enrolled and start August the 14th!! 

I just feel like I am on top of the world every single day that I wake up!! And not just for those reasons. A 'certain someone' has had my grin going non-stop. And that grin is constantly stretching from ear to ear he says. He also says that he likes it when I smile really, really hard because my dimples show. 

He also says that I, even though I've never been, smell like the beach for some reason. When I asked him what the beach smells like, he said, "Like a breath of fresh air." Needless to say, my smile poked out a bit after he said that.

Ever since the first day we met we've been hanging out a lot. Regularly, I like to think back about when we had burritos for the first time....

"So" Finn asked. "What all do you like on your burrito?" I stood there for a moment, pondering over it for a moment. Not that he needed to know or anything, but poor kids like me don't often go out for food. The thing that we end up eating the most is ramen. It's cheap, and it's easy. Not that I had never had a burrito before, it's just that other people would have probably answered a lot quicker than I did.

"Umm...I'll just get whatever you're having" I said quickly, trying to cover over the fact that it had probably been a literal minuet since he had asked me the question.

"Great" he said. He looked over towards where the cashier was standing, and gave him our orders. "I'm gonna have two beef and bean burritos easy on the nacho cheese. And also if you could add tomato and lettuce for us please." I figured he must've been a regular at this place if he was able to order that quickly, and with such ease. I went to reach for my wallet in my purse, but before I could reach it, Finn interjected and gently placed his hand on top of mine. "Oh no. It's my treat" he said with a smile. "I am the one who asked you here after all." I felt my heart flutter at bit at his kind hearted gesture. I smiled at him as we were offered our food, and walked back outside to enjoy the crisp evening air.

It all started with, "So Miss Rey Kenobi..." I looked up at him after taking a bite of the absolutely delicious burrito. "What do you think?" he asked. 

I had no idea what he was talking about. So I spoke up and asked him, not entirely realizing I had food in my mouth. Finn tried his best to hide his chuckle, and I tried my best not to turn red, yet again for the millionth time that day. 

"Oh, you've got a little something on your chin" he said reaching up with a napkin to wipe the remnants of beef and bean off of my face. 

Turns out he was talking about the burrito. I told him it was the best thing I had eaten in a while, then he said, "Well, it's starting to seem like we might have to do this again." I smiled, feeling myself blush so I starred down at my food, and took another bite to not make the situation awkward. Instead of just sitting there in silence, it would be more appropriate to sit there with a mouth full of food, and to not speak up again with said full mouth. 

After we ate, Finn offered to give me a ride home to which I declined seeing how I had to get my bike back from the shop. "Okay, well...how about I walk you back then?" he asked. 

'Sure" I said. "That's fine with me" I said smiling. 

On our walk back, we talked mostly about me, which I didn't really care for. But after years of living the life that I have, I have become excellent at dodging questions, and giving vague answers. 

Once we were back at the garage, I said goodnight to Finn and thanked him for the delicious burrito. Right as I was about to get on my bike and pedal away, he spoke up. 

"So umm..." he started off. "I...well....we had a good time today, right? Did you have a good time? Because I did, but...did you, I umm...." he continued on stammering. I decided to go ahead and answer the one question that I did hear correctly out of all of the stuttering. 

"Yes, I did have a nice time today. I'm actually surprised to hear you say that, since ya know...what happened earlier and all." 

All he did was stand there, smiling at me, with that stupid puppy dog grin that I've come to really, REALLY like. 

"So umm...do you think, that maybe, we could do this again? Sometime? Soon?" he asked. And before I could even finish his question he burst out into saying. "Great! So,...umm, do you think I could have your number....maybe?"


	5. Fifth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Carrie...

July 4th, 2015

Dear Diary,

OMG!!! I feel like my heart just exploded, but in a good way. In the positively best way ever!!! Two unbelievable things happened today. Two absolutely incredible, happy, happy things happened today. Remember when I last wrote that I felt like I was on top of the world!? Well, that feeling pales in comparison to this one. Absolutely no doubt in my mind!! The first good thing to happen, went a little like this...

"Rey!! Wake up hon! You need to get a move on it or you'll be late for work!" I heard Ms. Mara yell from downstairs. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked the sleep away. I rolled over in my bed thinking it couldn't be that late, my alarm clock hadn't even gone off yet, or so I thought...

I glanced over at the clock and read the little green digital numbers that said 8:32 a.m.

"Oh no!!" I shrieked. "What happened?!" I screamed out loud even though no one was listening. I pulled off my clothes as fast as I could in search of my toothbrush. From then on out it was multi-tasking out the wazoo. Pulling up my overalls, with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth, all while attempting to throw my hair in their normal three buns. 

By the time I was done, It was 8:45 a.m. "Oh no, oh no! I'm gonna be late!!" I said growing more and more frantic by the second. I grabbed my bag and placed it around my shoulders. When I went to head for the door, I hear Mr. Luke say behind me, "Think fast!" I turned around to see him toss an apple my way. I caught it right before I heard him say, "You gotta eat something" before he winked at me, as they both waved goodbye. 

I got on my bike and pedaled to the shop as fast as my legs could get me there. I had a few close calls on the way there. Catching the tail end of a walkway sign that said cross, then flashed over to do not cross. I was almost there, just as I went to check my watch. "Ha!" I exclaimed as I was nearing the front doors. "8:58, I made it on time..."

Just as I was finishing that thought, I saw Ben walking out the front door. He pushed the door open, not seeing that my bike was heading in the exact same direction as the open door was. I swerved out of the way, so I wouldn't hit the door, or Ben. But I ended up crashing my bike in a bush, and being flung off of the bike. I tried to break the fall with my hand, but that only made things worse. I landed on it just the wrong way, and thought in the back of my mind I had broken it for sure. 

I know I remember telling you that this day was one of the best days ever, and from where I'm coming from sounds like one of the worst days ever to begin with. Hang in there...I'm getting to the good parts :)

So anyway, after I landed on my wrist, I heard feet pelting the asphalt. Ben ran over to me to see if I was okay. "Rey! Are you alright!? I'm soooo sorry! I didn't even see you!" No surprise there, I secretly wanted to say to him. He was probably FaceTiming with his girlfriend, Phelicia. She and Ben had the weirdest nicknames for each other. She called Ben, Kylo, and he called her Phasma. 

Ben helped me up and walked me inside. "I'll go see if your bike is okay. If there's anything wrong with it, I'll fix it!" Ben said. 

Leia walked up to me first, then Han. "What happened to you kiddo?" Han asked. "I fell off my bike" I told them both. 

"Here, sit, sit, sit" Leia said instructing me to sit down, as if I was a hurt little kid. Aside from some scrapes here and there, both on my overalls and skin, the only injury that was really bothering me was my wrist. After I had had an icepack on it for a while Leia made a gentle attempt to move it. But even that hurt, and she was barely doing anything at all. I winced as she tried to move it back again, and was almost attempted to pull away, but then she stopped. "Well, it's not broken. But you've got yourself a nasty sprain there my dear" Leia said. 'Great' I thought to myself.

Han walked towards the front desk to type into the computer all of the appointments I had for the day. "Frontal body work, tire rotation, three battery corrosions....kid, you're not gonna be able to do any of this with your bad hand." I stopped breathing momentarily after Han said that. I was sure that they were both going to be mad at me. On top of almost being late, I was going to be completely useless today.

"Good thing none of this stuff will take too long though, so I'll take your appointments today" Han said. 

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Thank you" was all I could manage to get out. Leia's gentle voice brought me back to reality after I realized that not only were they not mad at me, but they were going to help cover my shift. 

"Why were you in such a hurry this morning anyway sweetie?" said Leia. 

"I think one of my foster siblings unplugged my alarm clock, so my foster mother had to wake me up. I tried to get here as fast as I could, but because of that I nearly ran Ben over in the process...and banged my hand up."

Leia said nothing, she reached out and laid her hand on my shoulder and gave it a few rubs. "We understand that things happen, if you're late every once in a while, it won't be the end of the world" she said.

I looked up at her and smiled. "I appreciate that Ms. Leia I really do, but at the same time, it's not something that I would ever want to make a habit out of."

Leia said nothing. Only nodded her head and smiled at me. She turned around and went in search of Han, when I felt my phone go off.

9:14 a.m. Finn: Heyyy, whatcha doinnnn?? ;)

I laughed quietly to myself because of the winking face he had attached there at the end.

9:14 a.m. Rey: Nothin' much. I think I just got the day off actually. You?

Almost instantly my phone went off again.

9:15 a.m. Finn: YAAAAYYYYY!!!! Then I've got big plans for us today!! You're coming with me m'lady, I've got a surprise for you :)))

9:15 a.m. Rey: A surprise for me?! O you shouldn't have. And btw, aren't you gonna ask y I got the day off in the 1st place?

9:16 a.m. Finn: I was getting to that!!! LOL.

I was surprised that he still didn't ask, until I heard his voice from behind me. "Oh no! Rey! What happened!?" he asked in a serious tone. He ran over to me and tenderly picked my left wrist up to inspect it. If I didn't know any better, by the look in his puppy dog eyes, I swear I thought he was going to kiss it to make it feel better. But that was only wishful thinking....instead, he asked again how I had hurt my wrist.

"I was riding really fast on my bike, and I almost hit Ben. I swerved out of the way, and crashed into the bush out front. And...behold, my injury" I said pointing to my wrist. 

"Jeez, you gotta be careful!!" Finn said.

"Yea I know. It's just been kind of a stressful and hectic morning. But the upside is I get to spend the day with you" I said a little bit more quietly. 

Finn smiled back at me, "And we're gonna make the most of it!" he said standing up. "I'll be back in exactly 15 minuets with the stuff for the surprise, be ready when I get back so we can go." 

My eyebrows shot up with that. "Whoa, whoa wait! Go? Where are we going? And why can't I just come with you?" I asked him as he was walking away.

He turned around and began walking backwards. "To both questions...I don't want to spoil the surprise." He winked at me and got back in his car and drove up the road.

I guess, I was ready to go now, but I had to wait for Finn to return. But speaking of return, Leia walked back over to me with Han in toe. She was the first one to speak up. "Rey dear, I hope I'm not crossing a line by asking this but, are you comfortable over at your current home?" She asked me as if I was going to be upset. As if it was such an odd question. I lived with her brother, and sister in law. She knew that.

"Yes, quite. Especially compared to some of the other places I've been. Mr. Luke and Ms. Mara are very nice people" I said.

Leia made a face that implied I didn't fully answer her question, or it wasn't quite the answer she was looking for. "Well I know that the number of children over at my brothers house is only growing, and you as a young woman might need your own space." Now after she said this, I started to get nervous. I'm pretty sure she was implying that I move out and get my own space to insure another 'incident' like what happened this morning. But they both knew what I made an hour, and that I couldn't afford to live on my own, not just yet anyway. And they also both knew that I was saving everything I had for college in the fall. 

"We were thinking that maybe you would be more comfortable upstairs in the small apartment above the garage" Leia said softly. "We had it all ready for Ben when he wanted to move out, but said that there wasn't enough space for his girlfriend so he moved out with her instead. Now it's just up there gathering dust."

I just stood there, completely dumbfounded. They were offering me my own place to live. My place. My space. My...home. I needed to give them an answer quick once I realized that I was just standing there silently. But when I went to open my mouth, nothing came out.

"Of course it's understandable if you want to look at the place first. Come with me darling." Leia said. Before I knew what was happening, my feet picked themselves up, one after the other, and began following Leia outside, around the corner, up the stairs and through the door. Once she unlocked it, I stepped inside after she did, and was immediately met with a feeling of familiarity. Like some how I had been here, in this very place before, even though I knew it was impossible. The little bed in the corner, the stove and sink that were right next to each other. And the bathroom all the way towards the left at the end of the room. All of the windows were open, and a cool, relaxing summer breeze blew in. I closed my eyes, and breathed in. Everything was looking up. Every single thing. I had beat the system. I hadn't let it drag me down towards the negative side of life in which kids turn to bad and worse things in life just to cope. I had a job, I was going to school in the fall, I had my very own place. I even had a boyfriend!!....well, kind of, sort of...a boyfriend-ish. 

"What will the rent a month be?" I asked turning around facing Leia once I was sure no tears of joy were going to fall from my eyes. 

"Well here's the thing. You can either pay us $75 a month, or you can let us claim you on our taxes. The choice is completely up to you" Leia said with a gentle smile. Never before in all of the homes I had been in, in all of the life that I had lived, had things been as good as they were now.

I heard from one of the open windows, a car pull up out front as the driver honked their horn. I walked over and peered out the window to see Finn's black two door car downstairs waiting for me. I looked back at Leia. "Can I let you know?" She smiled at me and gestured for me to go out the door. My smile stretched as far as it would go, I'm sure. I ran towards the door leading to the steps before turning around and giving Leia and big hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you soooooooo so much!" I said in her ear. 

"It's quite alright darling. Now go! Go get that boy before he leaves you!" she said playfully. "Oh, but do so carefully please!! We don't need you hurting your other wrist now do we?" she said laughing. 

As I made my way down the stairs, my smile remained right where it was. And as soon as I saw Finn, it only got bigger. He walked around the car, and opened my door for me, then shut it as I got in. Once he was back in the car, he put his seatbelt on, shifted into first gear, and we were off.

We remained silent for a while, until I spoke up...I felt like I would've exploded if I didn't say something. 

"So...where are we going?" I asked. Finn just sat there and smiled while he said not a word. "Oh come on! You can't 'not' tell me where we're going, otherwise this could be considered kidnapping!" I said jokingly. 

"Ha-ha" Finn said. "You can tell the cops I kidnapped you all you want, but as I said earlier..." he took his eyes off the road for a moment and looked directly at me, "...It's a surprise." 

"You're impossible, you know that?" I said softly hitting his arm.

Nearly two hours later as we came closer to wherever it was that we were heading to, Finn instructed me to close my eyes. I did as I was told, but then he became paranoid and told me to put my hands over my eyes, so I did. I felt the car come to a stop, and heard Finn exit his door. I stayed put until he came and got me out of the passenger side. He gently began easing me forward as he said softly, "I mean it now, keep those eyes closed."

"I'm not peeking. I promise" I said to him. 

I felt Finn's hand go from my shoulders to my waste in guiding me. I also felt that the ground that I was walking on went from firm and solid, to loose and shifty. To add to that I heard what sounded like something crashing in front of me, then Finn brought me to a stop. 

"Okay" he said. "When I count to three, you can open your eyes."

I felt little butterflies doing flips in my stomach, so eager and excited to know what the surprise was, and where I was too.

"One, two, three...open!" he exclaimed. 

I took my hands down and opened my eyes to reveal the absolutely breath taking beauty in front of me. "The beach" I whispered. Finn had brought me to the beach. The loose and shifty ground that I was standing on was sand, and the crashing sound I heard coming from in front of me were the waves. I could have cried. No one had ever gone out of their way to do something this nice for me. 

I turned around and wrapped my arms around Finn's neck as he rested his arms around my waste where they previously were. "Thank you" I said softly.

Not even waiting for his reply, and not even caring that I wasn't wearing swim clothes, I ran for the water as quickly as I could and jumped in. It was just right. Not too cold, but not on the warmer side either. Just right. 

After hours of playing in the water, we both noticed that we were drenched. Laughing at ourselves, we decided to take a walk on the beach when I noticed it was starting to get late. Finn offered to buy dinner which consisted of hotdogs all the way (ketchup, mustard, chili, and onions. They were phenomenal.....) 

"Quick! Let's get a good spot or we'll miss out!" Finn said. 

"Miss out on what?" But my question was answered with a loud boom from the skies above. With all that had happened today, I had completely forgotten that today was the Fourth of July. 

I sat down in the sand next to Finn while we ate our hotdogs and observed the glorious show the sky had to put on for us.

After some time, I finally heard Finn speak up. "Sure is pretty" he said. 

"Absolutely" I said agreeing with him. But when I turned to face him, I realized that he was paying no mind to the sky, and was looking dead at me. It's a good thing we were in the dark, because I'm sure my face was the brightest shade of red it had ever been. 

"I wasn't talking about the sky" he said confirming my suspicion. He leaned forward, very slowly, almost carefully and then stopped. It almost seemed as if he was asking for my permission, which I without a doubt granted to him. I followed his lead and pressed my lips gently against his.

All I can say is that Finn has the softest lips in the world. Him being my first...and only kiss, how would I know? But in that moment, I knew I never cared to figure out. 

Once we both pulled away, I inhaled as deeply as I could just to ensure that this moment was real. And it was in that moment I realized that the deep breath that I took, was the biggest breath of fresh air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't checked out my latest work, aside from this one, please go and check it out if you'd like. The title is called 'Count the Days That Pass Me By' thanks. Love ya


	6. Sixth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is so short. I was about to go to sleep but ideas are constantly popping up in my head, so I just wrote this one down really quick. Tell me in the comments what y'all think about the ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Debbie...

August 18th, 2015

Dear Diary, 

Well, I can sure enough tell you one thing...the summer magic has definitely warn off. Not that I'm not grateful for the apartment that I live in, rent free I might add (I decided to let them claim me on their taxes so I can continue to save my money), and not that Finn isn't still the completely wonderful boyfriend he's always been. It's just that I started school the other day. The first and second days were great. Learning my new routes for my new classes and things like that. But I see myself going into a repetitive schedule that might get dull after a few weeks, leaving me bored as opposed to the unexpected mess that was once my life. Yes it was an unexpected life, but no two days were ever the same. 

So in the morning I wake up, go to school, and every other day I work in the garage. Han and Leia said that I need time away from work in order to study and to make sure that my assignments don't end up piling up on top of me.

I have arranged my schedule as follows:

Monday-School/Work

Tuesday-School/Study

Wednesday- School/Work

Thursday-School/Finn

Friday-School/Work-every other weekend Finn

I hate that I have to wait until almost the end of the week just to see him. But he told me that he understood, and that he wanted me to do well in school because he knows this is what I want more that anything. 

He came over one Thursday evening as planned. Just as I was finishing up some last minuet homework he walked in my front door. 

"Hey there" he said smiling as he walked in. I looked up and smiled at him. He sat down on the couch right behind me as I was sitting on the floor. "What are you up to?" he asked leaning over my shoulder and looking in the book that I had cracked open.

"Astronomy" I sighed. "I hate this part of the course. We're forced to pick to electives just because we need the extra credits to graduate. It really is ridiculous because astronomy has nothing to do with mechanical engineering." I huffed as I dropped the book in my lap.

"You poor thing" Finn said as he rested his hands on my shoulders. I reached my hand back and placed mine on top of his. When I went to take it away, he started rubbing my shoulders. Ugh! It was absolute heaven!!

He dug his thumbs in between both of my shoulder blades, and pressed his fingers firmly into the tops of my shoulders. He repeated this action again and again until I was nearly numb. I hadn't even noticed my head started rolling. I'm sure there were no more knots in my upper back and shoulders now, but he kept on anyway. 

"Are you all good to study now?" Finn leaned forward and whispered in my ear. 

"Quite" I said my voice cracking a little. 

I looked down at the book and turned the page, already missing Finn's hands on my shoulders. "Chapter seven" I drug out dramatically. "Ugh this is gonna be so boring!!" I said to myself. 

"Wow" I heard Finn say. "Now that's really something." I turned around to look at him, then I followed his eyes to the picture that was featured on the page in the book. 

"It's beautiful" I said a little softer. Then he looked at me and smiled. "Just like you" he said as he gently placed his hand at the back of my head to pull me closer so he could kiss my forehead. 

"As a matter of fact" he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He clicked around on the screen for a few seconds before he said, "Okay, text me."

I did as I was told, not knowing entirely what was going on. But that's one of the things that I started noticing more and more about Finn, he really...really liked surprising me. 

I pulled Finn's number up on my phone and sent a text. 

6:31 p.m. Cute Boyfriend: Hey

"Aww that's adorable what you've saved me as in your phone" Finn said smiling at me. 

I smiled back up at him when he turned the screen of his phone to face me to see what I was now saved as in his phone. 

6:31 p.m. "Stardust": Hey


	7. Seventh Entry

August 29th, 2015

Dear Diary,

I'm a bad girlfriend. I honest and truly am. You know how I know? Because I've got this great, and sweet, cute boyfriend who is constantly thinking of, and putting me first. I realized today, that I don't really do that as much for him as I should. 

I discovered this terrible happening about myself today when Finn asked me to come over to his place, for the first time. All the time we have been together, and I've never even seen his place. At first, I just thought it was odd that it never just came up. But then I realized that it was because I never asked. 

3:30 p.m. Cute Boyfriend: U wanna come over tonight?? I'm making your favorite:)))

I smiled at my phone at his text message after having a long day of school, and a particularly annoying day at work (very rude customers that Leia had to come and tell off). I wanted nothing more than to go over to Finn's place, chill out with the biggest bowl of spaghetti and meatballs, watch a movie, and just snuggle up, forgetting all about the rough day I had had. 

It was then that I realized something else. Finn knows what my favorite meal is...I don't know his...

'Is it steak? No, no that's not it' I thought to myself on the ride over to Finn's house. I think Finn could tell something was weighing heavily on my mind. He kept asking if I was alright and then if I was sure. After I told him yes, and that I was sure, I'm sure he still wasn't convened. Because he reached over and started rubbing my leg reassuringly, in between shifting gears. 

I'm slowly beginning to think to myself that Finn might be too good for me.  
___________________________________________________________________________

Once we got to his place, the aroma of food was already in the air. He must've prepared all of the food already, then came to pick me up to bring me back since he said he didn't want me to ride my bike all the way to his place, and then ride back at night on a full stomach...(thoughtful!!!) 

After we ate, I insisted that I do the dishes...alone. I wouldn't have Finn cook for me, clean up, pick me up, and bring me home. I could at least do one nice thing for him that night. 

I could hear the TV going in the other room as I was drying one of this big pots that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher. When all of a sudden I felt a pair of hands squeeze at my sides. I hate to admit this, but...I squeaked. I squeaked very loudly and he heard me and began laughing uncontrollably. I began slapping him playfully with the dishtowel in my hand and yelled at him, "Well don't sneak up on me then!" I went back to doing the dishes, when his hands rested at my waist again, this time much more gently. "I'm sorry" he said kissing the side of my ear. "Just wanted to cheer you up" he said.

I looked at him over my shoulder. "Who said I needed cheering up?" I asked him.

He moved his arms further around me and squeezed me tighter to him. "Come on Rey. You've hardly said anything all day. In the car, and during dinner. And speaking of which, normally you help yourself to two or three plates. Tonight you barely managed to eat one. Talk to me, what is it?" he asked. 

So observant. He is so very observant, and kind. And I'm the exact opposite. It's just out of reflex I suppose. After being a foster kid with no real family, no sense of security, knowing that your life could be turned upside down in the blink of an eye, you seal yourself off. You close off all emotion and stay to yourself. But when Finn came into the picture, I never thought about opening up, or going the extra mile. So far it's been all about me. He knows probably all there is to know about me, because he asks, and I know next to nothing about him.

Instead of telling him all this, I simplified my answer to his question. I turned around and placed my arms around his neck.

"When's your birthday?" I asked. 

"Huh?" he looked at me dubiously.

"When's your birthday?" I repeated myself.

Finn still looked confused but went along with it. "February 4th" he said. 

After he gave me his answer, I leaned in and pecked him on the lips. He smiled at me, and went to return the favor but I spoke up again. 

"What's your favorite color?" I asked.

Finn lifted his eyebrow, with a smug look growing on his face. "Well I have two actually" he said. "Green" he said, as I leaned forward to give him his second kiss. "And purple" I leaned forward yet again giving him another kiss. 

"Now that I think about it orange is a nice color too" he said as we both shared a laugh. "You gonna tell me what this is all about?" he asked. I was going to continue with my questions, but I figured now would be a good time to do some opening up, since it's what I was upset over for my lack thereof. 

"I just want to know more about you. You know a lot about me, and I want to know a lot about you, so I'm asking" I said.

Finn remained silent for a second. "Sooooo do I get a kiss for every answer, because we can go on all night if we need to?" Finn said.  
__________________________________________________________________________

As the night went on, I found out a lot about Finn. That his favorite dessert is strawberry cheesecake, he's also allergic to bees, and changed my name is his phone to 'Cute Girlfriend' because he thought it was a little cheesy and over the top. (I tended to agree with him.) I also came to know that he was raised by his grandparents. I didn't tell him this, but in a way I began to think in my mind that Finn and I were more alike than I thought. Not having any parents and all.

"What is your exact job title down at the security plant?" I asked him.

Finn looked at his watch, "It's getting late, I should probably take you home now. So hold that thought for me" he said smiling at me as he kissed my nose.

On the way home we rode in silence again. Only this time, it was a much more comfortable silence. We held hands the entire ride home, whenever Finn didn't have to shift gears. When Finn pulled up to my place, he opened the door for me and walked me up the stairs to, 'Make sure I got in okay.'

He gave me a good long kiss goodnight before walking back down the stairs. 

"Goodnight cute boyfriend!" I shouted at him.

"Goodnight cute girlfriend!" he shouted back.

I heard his car engine roar down the road until it was out of ear shot before I went inside. I began thinking to myself...maybe I did deserve Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to scrap the 'Stardust' idea, being how that is Jyn's nickname. Hope y'all don't mind:))


	8. Eighth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!!! I can't apologize enough for my lack of updating. One of my brothers is graduating from high school, one of my brothers is about to celebrate his one year anniversary, one of my brothers is about to marry, you'll never guess who...MY BEST FRIEND!!! (so happy for them, and I'm the maid of honor!!), and one of my sisters is expecting her first child. So needless to say, I have been VERY busy. But I will try my hardest to keep my updates going. BEHOLD!! CHAPTER 8!! Y'all enjoy:))

October 14th, 2015

Dear Diary,

Dearest Diary. My precious little friend, who is always there for me, and listens to all of my problems...thank you for being here for me, in my time of need. I had everything in order. My whole life was going as I had planned. I had my timing and schedule and budgeting down to a science...but now, all this has happened...and now, my timing, schedule, budgeting, and even my relationship is on the line!!

All because of this stupid thermometer that refuses to change it's temperature back to 98.6!! It keeps on reading 104.1, and I am definitely feeling it. I actually felt it this morning when I woke up.

My alarm went off at 7:30am. Normal, right? Wrong! My alarm went off, only it sounded a hundred times louder than it normally does. I shot up immediately to turn the clock off so the noise it was making would stop. After it was off, I then realized that I had sat up entirely too fast, only making my headache worse. As my morning went on, I started noticing other things here and there. Even the thermostat in my apartment was set at 78 degrees, it felt like it was freezing, and I was covered from head to toe in clothing, thick clothing I might add. 

I made my way to my bathroom to start brushing my teeth, when I looked in the mirror and saw how swollen my eyes looked. I figured after I splashed my face with some warm water, it would go away and my appearance would change...wrong again. 

It was after I splashed my face with warm water that I noticed that my throat tickled something terrible, and my nose wasn't working right. No worries I'll just clear my throat and blow my nose and go on with my day.

Dearest Diary...you can now see that I'm in denial about having a cold. 

It took me a little bit longer than it normally does to get ready in the morning, so by the time I made it downstairs to the garage everyone was already at their respective posts. Had it not been for my incessant coughing fit that just so happened to break out right as I was reaching for the door, I don't think anyone would have paid me any mind, aside from the casual, 'Hi Rey, bye Rey, have a good day Rey.'

"Rey? Sweetheart, are you okay?" I could finally make out Leia's voice as the coughing subsided and my ears stopped ringing. I took a deep sniffle before turning around to face her. Then unconvincingly, I said, "Yes, everything's fine" I said trying to muster the best smile that I could. Obviously Leia wasn't buying it. She stepped closer to me, before placing the back of her hand to my forehead. Her cool touch was soothing for the short amount of time that it was resting on my burning forehead. And when she took it away, it was immediately replaced with all the agony the fever had to offer. 

"You don't look so well dear, maybe you should go back upstairs and lay down" Leia suggested. 

I began shaking my head before she had even finished her sentence. "I've got a lot of studying to do for this week. We're beginning to review for our midterms. I can't afford to miss it just because of a fever" I said to her. She looked like she was about to say something else, but quickly changed her mind. I cleared my throat before adjusting my bag hanging off of my one shoulder. I only had to books and a binder inside of it, but it felt like I was lugging around bricks. 

"Well" I heard Leia speak up from behind me. "At least let Ben give you a ride to school. I can't in good conscience let you ride on a bicycle all the way to school as sick as you are."

I felt the beginnings of a smile start to stretch across my face. It warmed my heart how much Leia cared for something so small as me being sick. 

As I was being driven to campus, I was finding it increasingly hard to keep my eyes open. Needless to say, Ben wasn't much of a talker, and I never minded it much, but I felt as if someone was talking to me, it would have made it a little easier to stay awake. 

"Hey! Hey kid, wake up!" I heard Ben's voice say to me. I ended up drifting off, even though I was fighting as hard as I could not to. I quickly made it up in my mind that this would not be happening during any of my classes that day, and that I would stay awake even if it killed me. 

"Oh, sorry. Thanks for the ride Ben" I said gathering my things up.

"No problem. But hey, last chance for you to change your mind and let me take you home" he said catching me off guard. 

"What?" I said turning back to look at him before climbing out of his car. 

"Mom told me to try and convince you one last time to come back home so you could get some rest. Something about, 'giving your body a chance to catch up' or something like that" he said with air quotes. In the back of my mind I so badly wanted to say yes to him. Yes take me back home so I can go back upstairs to my room, crawl underneath my thick blankets and go back to sleep, all while simultaneously pumping cold medicine into my body. But I was already here, and was determined to be as thoroughly prepared for my midterm as I could be. 

"No thanks, Ben" I said. "I'll see you back at the garage" I said before shutting the door. 

Ben drove off into the distance, and immediately I wanted to yell after him, for him to take me with him...not that he would've heard me anyway with how hoarse my voice was. I walked up the stairs to campus already knowing in the back of my mind that it was going to be a long day.

All throughout the day, I struggled. I struggled to stay awake, I struggled to pay attention, and I also struggled to keep my coughing fits as concealed as I could. I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that no one wants to hear anyone coughing a lung up in the middle of lecture while they're trying to take notes. But in the end, I did it. I went to all of my classes, and took all of the notes that I needed. I think what really helped me was the power nap I took during my lunch break. But then towards the end of the day I was faced with a dilemma. Ben had driven me to school, and now I had no way to get back home. 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the number for the garage so Ben could come back to campus and pick me up. Only when the call finally went through, I discovered that the line was busy. I waited a few more minuets and tried again only to have the line still be busy. I started getting a little agitated because of how badly I needed to go home and lay down for a few minuets before I started my shift at the garage. I couldn't walk home, and I couldn't keep calling the garage because my battery was about to die.

3:37 p.m. Cute Girlfriend: Hey

3:39 p.m. Cute Boyfriend: Hey you;))

3:40 p.m. Cute Girlfriend: I really h8 to ask this of u, because u r probably still at work...but I need a ride home. Can u come get me??

3:40 p.m. Cute Boyfriend: Where r u??

Finn was in front of my school not even ten minuets later. He leaned over towards the passenger door, and opened it up for me. As soon as I got in, I saw his facial expression change the minute he looked at me. 

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked. I was loosing my voice quick, which is why I ended up texting him instead of calling him. So when I replied with a weak 'yes' his face resembled that of Leia when I tried convincing her this morning that I was okay. And also just like Leia, he reached out to touch the side of my face, I'm assuming to check for a fever. 

"Whoa, you are burning up Rey" he said, face full of concern. I leaned into his soft hand, wanting him to keep it against my face forever. "Were you waiting out here long? It's freezing outside" he said. I shook my head once he pulled his hand away and shifted into first gear. I leaned my chair back and shut my eyes, to tired to focus on anything else for the time being. And I think Finn must've sensed that. He said nothing, only turning the heat up a bit and reaching his hand over to brush my cheek. 

Once we finally arrived at the garage, I immediately could see why the line for the phone was busy. Every single mechanic was talking to someone, and there was a long line in front of the desk that Ben worked at. All of the noise and commotion was making my head hurt. So Finn and I made our way past everyone and up the stairs to my apartment. Once we were inside I at once dropped my bag, kicked off my shoes, and made my way for the couch. I laid down, facing away before I heard Finn say, "You've got a note." I rolled back over to look at him before he read it. 

"Rey, I called in some extra help for tonight, so don't worry about your appointments. Stay in bed, and get better- Leia" he read. I tried to fight how relieved I was that I wouldn't have to go back downstairs into all of the madness the garage consisted of, because the other half of me was thinking that I needed the money to stay on top of everything. But then the more rational part of my brain spoke up informing me, that I was literally running on zero energy. 

I rolled back over facing away from everything. I finally let my body feel how tired I actually was. I almost forgot that Finn was even there had I not heard him rummaging around in my kitchen. Once curiosity finally got the better of me, I rolled over yet again to see what Finn was up to.

Turns out he had one of my small pots on the eye of the stove, and was in search of something in my pantry. 

"Aha!" I heard him say, as he presented a small can of soup. He opened the can and dumped it all in the pot, then began going through my cabinets before calling out, "Hey Rey, do you have any tea?" I blinked a few times before I realized what he was doing. He was making me soup, and tea. Why? I hadn't asked him to, so why would he do a thing like that? I assumed he'd want to get out of my apartment as soon as possible so he wouldn't risk the chances of catching whatever I had. But when I told him so, he simply rolled his eyes before laughing and saying, "I have to make sure you're okay" and went back to work. 

Finn is honest and truly too good for this world....

I got up and went into my bedroom to change into some more comfortable clothes. By the time I had returned, Finn had finished the soup and the tea was brewing. I made my way into the kitchen as Finn was preparing everything for me, and wrapped my arms around him from behind. "Thanks" I said. Even though I wanted to say much, much more than that. Something along the lines of 'thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for picking me up from school and taking care of me while I'm sick.' It probably would seem a bit strange to him for someone to be thankful for something that seemed so small, but what I wanted to tell him most of all was that no one has ever taken care of me while I was sick. Never, not once did anyone ask if I was okay, or come to check my temperature, or make me soup or anything like that. I wasn't even offered medicine to help relieve the symptoms. Yet, here Finn is doing his very best to make sure that I was taken care of. 

After I ate my soup, drank my tea, and took two pills to help my nose and throat, I felt much better. I was still set in my ways to get at least 'some' of my homework done, but Finn was very insistent that I go to bed so I would feel a little bit better in the morning. Not that it mattered, I soon felt the effects of the pills kick in, even though the bottle said 'none drowsy.' 

I sat down on the couch and buried my face in my hands, hating this day. I felt Finn remove the book from my lap as a huge coughing fit set in. He walked into my bedroom and came back out again producing one of the extra blankets I had draped over my bed and wrapped me up in it. He then kissed me on my forehead, sat down on the couch next to me, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. 

"How about I read this chapter to you?" he said gently. Before I could say yes, I sneezed several times in a row. Finn stifled his laughter as best as he could, as I just ended up nodding my head in agreement. 

The chapter was on flywheels for my mechanical engineering class, and I tried as hard as I could to listen to Finn read to me for as long as I could. But sitting straight up turned into resting my head on his shoulder. Then I felt like I needed to stretch out, so I laid down across the couch with my head rested in Finn's lap. And I know he wasn't trying to get me to fall asleep, but once he started playing with my hair, that really did me in. 

After he finished the first chapter and began on the next, I knew that fighting sleep now would be purposeless. I wouldn't be able to concentrate much longer, and I wouldn't be able to recall or remember anything that Finn was reading to me too much longer. I finally let my eyes shut, not fighting to keep them open any longer. 

I woke up in my bed curled up in several blankets. I went to check my phone to see what time it was. It was a little after two in the morning, and I also found out that I had an unread text message from Finn.

10:09 p.m. Cute Boyfriend: Hey, u fell asleep so I went ahead and tucked u n ;)) I also turned off the stove and locked your front door so don't worry about that. I laid out some medicine 4 u on ur nightstand and set the alarm on ur phone just incase u want to try and make ur classes 2mrw. If u do, txt me n the morning so I can come pick u up and drop u off. Feel better, sleep well- Finn.


	9. Ninth Entry

November 23rd, 2015

Dear Diary,

Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!! What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do?! Okay, okay...calm down. It's just dinner...on thanksgiving, with Finn, and HIS FAMILY!! Finn wants me to meet his family!! All of his family!! He invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner and he wants to introduce me to his entire family!! That's not nerve-wracking or anything, right? I mean, that's completely normal. Well...normal for him, he's probably done this before. Introduced a girlfriend to the family probably isn't that big of a deal to him. But for me, it's completely foreign. I've never done this before, never ever, ever. Not once!

What will I say? What should I wear? What if I embarrass myself? And even worse that all that, what if Finn's family doesn't like me? Of course blood is thicker than water, and Finn would end up siding with his family if they don't like me. Well...so much for what I thought was a perfect relationship.

No more late night text messages between the two of us. No more Finn popping in the garage during mid-day on the weekends to bring me lunch. No more giving him super tight bear hugs from behind just because I secretly want to get a whiff of the way his body smells. No more of his soft lips pressed against mine when we kiss each other goodnight, or are just hanging out in my apartment and decide that that's enough studying for the time being. No more Finn giving me his favorite jacket to wear when he can see that my clothes aren't thick enough to keep out the winter cold.

Ugh...how I'd miss it. But then again, what if they did like me? I mean, I'm not the worst looking girl in the world, and I've been told once or twice before how very pleasant I am as company (so what if one of those people happened to be Finn.) Yea, they could like me. If Finn's family is anything like him, which I'm sure that they are, hopefully they'll like me. But then comes the other questions from before. What will I wear? What will I talk about? I've never been one for conversations for an extended period of time, and even Finn doesn't know 'all' of my backstory, which now thinking about it makes me feel kind of guilty. Me not opening up to him as much as I should. Here he is inviting me to meet all of his family, and I can't even tell him the story of my past. Well if all goes well tonight, I'll tell him. And a promise, is a promise. Even if I'm just making it to you my dearest diary:))

__________________________________________________________________________

"Should I wear my hair up or down?" I asked Leia. I asked her earlier on in the day if she would come up to my apartment the day before to give me a few 'pointers.' That way I wouldn't go into the situation completely blind, and without any wisdom to rely on.

"I think either way would be fine" Leia said. "When your hair is down it frames your face perfectly, but it also looks adorable when you put it up it it's usual three buns." 'Hmmm...' I thought to myself. 'Up, down, up, down, up, down?' I decided to go with down, if things went well the next night, I would hopefully be seeing a lot more of Finn's family and they would get used to seeing my hair up in it's usual three buns.

"Down it is" I said to Leia looking back at her. She slowly walked up to me and placed her hand on my cheek. "There's no need to be nervous, anyone who meets you would be a fool not to take to you right away" she said with a smile. I smiled back at her, hoping, and praying that that's what the evening would end up bringing.

"It's just..." I began. "Finn means a lot to me, and I just want to make a good impression" I said.

"You'll do fine, sweetheart. Just be yourself, your normal, friendly Rey-of-sunshine, self" she said still smiling walking out the front door.

I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. I had my hairstyle picked out, and my outfit planned for the next night. This was just a night with Finn, and his family...I could do this....I could do this....

11:57 p.m. Cute Girlfriend: Hi...

11:59 p.m. Cute Boyfriend: Hey you;)) I can't wait to see you 2mrw

12:00 a.m. Cute Girlfriend: That's kinda y I'm texting....

12:00 a.m. Cute Boyfriend: What's wrong, babe???

12:00 a.m. Cute Girlfriend: I'm kinda chickening out about 2mrw..I'm not good with crowds, and I don't wanna embarrass myself in front of ur family...and what if they don't like me???

_Incoming Call: ‘Cute Boyfriend’_

"Hello" I said picking the phone up.

"Hey" Finn said, his voice sounding deeper than it normally does, indicating that I probably woke him up or he was just about to go to sleep.

"I didn't mean to wake you" I said feeling guilty.

"No problem" he said trying to stifle a yawn, "Not sleeping means I get to talk to my cute girlfriend" he said. Even though we were on the phone, I could tell that he was smiling after he said that.

"I'm just so in my head right now" I confessed to him. "I've never done this before."

"Well..." he began. "If you're really that uncomfortable with being around a big crowd, you and I can just hang out for the day, would you like that better?"

Yet again, reason number one thousand why Finn is too good for this world.

He would be willing to miss Thanksgiving day with his friends and family members he probably hasn't seen in a long time all to make me comfortable, all for me, just for me. If he was willing to do that just for me, I had to find the strength within myself to at least meet him halfway.

"No" I said firmly. "I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Rey, you're my girlfriend, and I care about you. That means I want us to have a good day together tomorrow, and if it means skipping out on tradition I'm fine with that."

I'm so happy that we weren't face to face when we had this conversation, and instead had it over the phone. Because then he would've been able to see my eyes watering up from the tears of joy I was fighting back. Never in all my life had someone cared for me so much. Never had they gone out of their way to surprise me with a trip to the beach, or take care of me when I was sick, or blow off their entire family all just because they wanted me to be happy.

I tried to continue the conversation as normal, so he wouldn't be able to detect that I was crying.

"Finn" I said gently. "If you are willing to do that for me, than I am willing to be brave and meet your family" I said with a bit of finality in my voice so he wouldn't try to fight me on the matter.

"Really?" he asked just to make sure.

"Really, really" I said back.

"We can stay for as long as you want, and if you start to feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed just tell me and we'll leave, okay?"

"Okay" I replied.

I thought the conversation was over, and was about to say goodnight before Finn spoke up again. "You've really got nothing to be nervous about at all, really" he said. "If my family sees what I see when they look at you, then they're going to love you" he said.

"Okay, okay...I trust you. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" I said.

"Okay, goodnight, sleep well" Finn said.

"You too" I said smiling.

I switched off my light and laid down. But it was right before I drifted off into sleep was when I caught what the last thing Finn said over the phone. _'If they see what I see...then they'll love you.'_ Did Finn just tell me that he...? Noooo, I don't think that's what he meant to say...but still...needless to say, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

\----------------------------------------------------

The next day, I woke up feeling just as giddy as I had fallen asleep. It was a beautiful day, I could see as I glanced out the window. The cool crisp morning air glistening at the window. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, the usual. Took some extra time out of my day to perfect my hair, and then put my clothes on. Just as I went to pour a bowl of cereal I heard a knock at my door.

I put the box down and went to answer it to discover Finn at the front door.

"Good morning sunshine!" he announced, then threw his arms around me as he pecked me on the lips.

I smiled back at him before replying, "Finn, your morning person is showing" I said jokingly not even having had my morning coffee yet.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"I was just going to have a bite really quick" I said back to him.

"Okay, you eat, I'll make your coffee" he said, probably catching on that I hadn't had any yet.

Finn had explained to me that Thanksgiving in his family lasts all day long. Not just the dinner part. They wake up, and no one in their house eats breakfast or lunch. They wait the entire day to eat dinner. Everyone takes a shift in the kitchen to cook something, or to keep an eye on the things that are already cooking so nothing gets burned. In the meantime, the TV had the football game on, and the radio was playing in the kitchen. Some of Finn's cousins were playing cards at the table and some of them were sitting on the couch with drinks in their hands rooting for the home team.

As time went on, it felt as if I fit right in with everyone, and I didn't feel so out of place or uncomfortable anymore. When 2 o'clock came around, I wondered to myself why I was ever nervous. When we first walked in the house I had both of my arms wrapped so tightly around one of Finn's, I'm pretty sure I was cutting off his circulation.

First to meet were his grandparents. Maz and Mace Windu. Mace was a very tall man, with an even more serious looking face, but the second Finn introduced me, the seriousness melted away and I was met with a warm smile. Maz was a much shorter woman. With thick glasses that took almost all of the space on her face.

"Dear child" she began. "We have been waiting a while to meet you" she said taking my hand.

As I was lead further in the house we ran into Finn's best friend, who I had already met once or twice. "Hey Poe!" Finn called out.

"Buddy! I was beginning to wonder when you'd show up!" Clearly Poe was very familiar with Finn's family. Finn told me once that all of Poe's family lived across the country, and Finn and his family sort of adopted Poe as one of their own.

After I met a few more family members, (uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) I was lead in the kitchen by Maz, and one of Finn's cousins who could have passed for his twin, named Ahsoka, and we began on some of the side dishes to be prepared with the turkey. They asked typical questions like how Finn and I met, and things like that, which everyone got a kick out of taking into consideration of how we did meet. But nothing got too deep, or too personal for my liking.

Finn came into the kitchen to check on my every few minuets or so, and asked if there was anything he could help with.

Once everything was ready, Maz instructed him to take the turkey out of the over and set it on the counter so it could begin to cool.

Everything was placed around the table one the food was all prepped and ready for serving. The turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, collard greens, yams, stuffing, smoked ham, rolls, baked macaroni and cheese. Anything and everything you could've wanted was being served at the table, and my mouth watered. I was going to eat good tonight.

We all took our places at the table. I ended up sitting in between Finn and one of his aunts' named Asajj. We all held hands as Finn's grandpa Mace stood up to say a prayer over the food. As soon as the words 'amen' were uttered, everyone dug in. Finn made my plate for me, as he could see that I was too skiddish to reach in over anyone else. He ended up pilling my plate up to the point where it was almost spilling over, but that was just fine with me. I ate every single bite of food that was on my plate.

While everyone was talking across the table and eating, and sharing stories, and eventually putting all the food away and helping with the dishes, I took every single second in. The food, the conversation, the atmosphere. Everything was perfect. Just as it should be. Is this what it was like? To have a big family, and to belong somewhere? All the years I grew up alone in some foster home I was thrown in, I never knew that life could be as nice as this. To be surrounded by people who care about you, and having enough to eat, and having a safe place to go to... a home. And I wasn't just talking about my apartment. I'm talking about Finn. Not just a physical place, but whenever I'm with Finn, I feel like I'm home. Like I truly do belong somewhere, and with someone.

I was thinking these exact thoughts the entire ride home, And was thinking of some way to convey them to Finn, to express to him how much this evening meant to me. To express to him how much 'he' meant to me.

I think he must've sensed that I was staring, so he glanced over at me while he was driving.

"What?" he said while laughing.

I said nothing, just leaned over and quickly pecked his cheek.

"Sooo" he began. "I take it you had fun today?" he asked.

"Oh yeah" I said back. "Your family is the best" meaning every word.

"You think? I told you that you had to watch out for my Uncle Dooku though, he tells the corniest jokes" he said as we both shared a laugh.

We rode in silence for a bit longer before I spoke up again. "Ugh, I am stuffed" I said, with my to-go-plate resting in my lap.

"Yea me too, I'm gonna sleep like a log tonight" Finn said.

Before I had the guts to ask Finn if he wanted to crash on the couch, he turned the corner that lead to the garage were my apartment was. It was then we were greeted by flashing red and blue lights going every which way.

"Oh great" I said. "I hope no one tried to break in."

Finn squinted his eyes narrowing his vision. "That looks like an ambulance to me" he said.

I followed suit and squinted my eyes as well, when I discovered that it was an ambulance. A wave of panic shot through me, knowing that only the Solo's would be here at this hour. I jumped out of the car before Finn even had the chance to put it in park, and made a dash for where all the commotion was coming from.

"Rey wait! It could be dangerous!" I heard Finn say from behind me.

All I remember after that was dropping my to go plate when I saw a stretcher being loaded into the back of the ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger! I know they suck! I'm actually mad at myself I did this to y'all....but tell me how the chapter was please :))


	10. Tenth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again my buddies for the long pause. I'll try and do better
> 
> As always, y'all enjoy:))

November 30th

Dear Diary,

 

"Leia" I breathed out. Unsure if anyone other than myself had heard me or not.

"Leia" I said again, this time a little louder. I had to see her, I had to be near her, I had to know what had happened, what was going on. But it was almost as if my feet couldn't carry me towards where she was fast enough. Like she would always be too far away from me to reach her.

"Rey! Wait!" I could hear Finn's voice call out from behind me again. I could hear the worry in his voice, and knew his intentions were good, he was just trying to keep me safe, but in the current moment, I was very uncaring. I _had_ to reach Leia.

Once I finally reached her, I gathered her hands up within my own and held them as tightly as I could. "What happened? Is he alright?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder, the both of us watching as Han was loaded into the back of an ambulance. I turned my face back towards her, and immediately noticed that Leia was not present in the moment. She was looking right at me but with a thousand yard stare. Unsure if she even realized that I was standing in front of her, or if she could even hear me.

"Leia" I said gently right in front of her face. But her concentration was no longer focused on the body in front of her holding her upright. She had looked beyond me at the closing doors to the vehicle her husband had just been loaded into. I released her hands and carefully brought them up to her cheeks and forced her to focus on me, but even that was no use. She looked at me, but I don't think she even saw me. Didn't even know I was there.

"Where are you taking him?!" I heard a familiar voice shout from behind me. Leia's eyes seemed to perk up and actually focus finally on the person standing behind me. Probably from the familiarity of the voice.

I heard footsteps approaching from behind me as I felt Leia's weight become more apparent in my hands. She was slipping, loosing her ability to stand. She would've fallen over completely had it not been for Finn coming up right behind her and catching her just in time.

"Mrs. Organa!" he exclaimed, right as the footsteps behind me grew louder.

"Ben" Leia said, finally focusing her sight on something. Ben stepped from around me, and took his mother from Finn's arms. She looked right at him, she could see him, she knew he was there for her. With her. Ben had done just as I had, and gently placed his hand on his mother's cheek. "They're taking him to D'Qar emergency room" and with that he was helping her walk over to his car.

I wanted to go with them. Every cell in my body screamed for me to follow Ben and Leia's footsteps, to get in the backseat of Ben's car and ride over with them to the hospital. But then I thought to myself, they probably need that time alone together, to mentally prepare themselves for what they might be walking into.

So as I stood where I did, I looked behind me to wherever Finn had wondered off to. He was patiently waiting by the passenger door holding it open for me...waiting for me to get in.

\--

 

The ride to the hospital was nerve-wracking. I hated every single second that we weren't in the waiting room along with Ben and Leia asking a nurse every two seconds for an update on Han's condition. Finn drove as quickly, yet as _carefully_ as he could to the hospital. We both said nothing to one another on the way over. Even though I was secretly wishing for him to speak up and say something, anything to drive the silence away. Just so it wouldn't be as quiet as it was in the car. Left alone with the silence, the hellish _'what-if's'_ began popping up in my mind. I wanted Finn to tell me that everything was going to be okay, even though he knew just as little about the situation as I did. Finn swore he would never lie to me, but in this instance, him merely speaking up and saying, 'everything's gonna be okay' even though we probably both knew that it was a lie, could've been forgiven.

As Finn pulled into a parking space, we both exited the car. Approaching the automatic doors, I suddenly became very uncertain about my presence here. I wasn't a family member. So would they even want me here? Would they tell me to leave? After all, I'm just a struggling studying mechanic who rents a room from them, why should I be here?

But it was too late to think about any of that. Finn had already driven me here, and he probably would've thought I was being foolish if I told him to take me home now. I grabbed onto his hand as hard as I could, frightened by all the uncertainty that lingered in the air.

Once he and I made our way to the waiting room, we saw Leia sitting in a chair, Ben pacing the floor, and Mr. Luke and Ms. Mara talking to the receptionist. It had been a while since I had seen either of them, and under normal circumstances, I would've been very pleased to see them both. But our reunion was shadowed with precariousness and fear for Han's condition.

I reluctantly let go of Finn's hand and approached Mr. Luke. He hadn't seen me come in since all of his focus was on whatever the receptionist was telling him. Which is why I'm glad I walked up when I did. I heard everything she said, and would no longer need to ask Mr. Luke, or Ben, or anyone what had happened to Han.

"He suffered a massive heart attack, and is in surgery now" is all I needed to hear to know just how serious the situation was.

I stood there just a while longer waiting for Mr. Luke to turn and look at me. As soon as he did, his eyes softened and his demeanor changed. Ms. Mara was standing right next to him and enveloped me in a hug.

"Rey...sweetheart" she said as Mr. Luke approached me and placed his hand on my shoulder. Once she finally let me go, I finally asked the question I had been dreading to ask all night long.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked. And if I didn't know better, it almost looked as if Mr. Luke could've began crying.

"Only time will tell" he replied to me.

We three all walked back over to join Finn, Ben, and Leia in the corner of the waiting room they had designated. I sat down beside Finn. Mr. Luke sat down next to his sister, and pulled her into his chest patting her shoulder ever so often.

It felt like we were sitting in the waiting room forever. Soon enough my eyes began to droop. Even though it was the furthest thing from my mind at the moment, my body hadn't forgotten how much I had ingested over at Finn's family's house, the meal I had soon began to way on me even more than I thought it would making me more and more sleepy. Just as I had done when I was sick, I at first leaned my head against Finn's shoulder, then as I tried to gradually become more and more comfortable, I ended up with my head resting in his lap once again with him playing in my hair just as he had done that night.

As he was doing that, it sent me off to sleep, and for a while I was able to forget the current situation that I was placed in. Worried for those around me, worried for my employer, who had become some what of a father figure to me, and whether or not he would pull through.

It wasn't until I had barely breached consciousness, with Finn's hand resting in my hair and Ben standing over me talking to a nurse, that I knew things in my tiny, tiny world would never be the same.

"I'm so sorry...but, your father didn't make it."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna scrap the 'exact date/year' of the diary entries. I feel like they're unnecessary. 
> 
> And I'm also sorry for the trick in the beginning. I know a lot of y'all were asking in the last chapter who was hurt, and I was making it out to seem as if Leia was the hurt one. But I don't think I'll ever have it in me to cause harm to Space Mom in any of my stories.


	11. Eleventh Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again...I'm sensing a theme here...I keep apologizing about how long the spaces are in between my updates, and I promise to never do it again, and then end up doing it again. So...I'm going to try and be better about that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to take this story in a different direction because of what I saw in the last jedi. It will be explained in the end notes, so there will 'kinda-sorta" be a spoiler in the end notes so beware. 
> 
> As always, y'all enjoy :))

December 7th

Dear Diary,

I try not to think of that night at the hospital. But it ends up happening anyway.

The nurse walking out from the back, where people who are in the waiting room aren't allowed to go. Her informing us of what we were all fearing the most. And Leia, poor Leia, collapsing to the ground to her knees, chocking on multiple sobs that are all trying to come out at once.

I stand up and begin to back away from it all as a large and sharp lump painfully begins to develop in my throat. My palms start to sweat as I realize what's happening.

Never before, in the short duration of my life have I ever been close enough to anyone to know what loss feels like. Up until now that is, I was just a no one, who kept to herself and had no one of importance in her life. But now...well now that things are different, I do in fact have people that I care about and who care about me. And never having experience loss before, I had no idea what to do with this feeling.

I continue to back away, into the unoccupied corner of the waiting room while I watch Ben and Mr. Luke get down on their knees next to Leia saying things to her that I can't hear from where I stand. I turn to face away, resting one hand on the chair in front of me and the other on my stomach, when a wave of nerves begins to roll through me in the most unsettling way.

I figured we had been in the waiting room for a least an hour or two, but I just then began to realize just how cold it was. Which is why I was glad when a warm and soft hand gently placed itself on my shoulder. The lump in my throat intensified when Finn tried to turn me towards him so that we were face to face. But for some reason that I couldn't figure out, I couldn't look him in the eye. I felt as if it would only make this feeling worse.

"Rey."� Finn whispered, stepping into my personal space. He was standing so close to me, his breath ticked my face. Something that I would normally smile or laugh at, but not here...not now.

"Rey" he said again when I didn't answer.

The room suddenly felt smaller when I did look him in the eye. And Leia's crying somehow got louder. The air in the hospital waiting room became increasingly suffocating to me, so much so that I forgot where we were, or why we were even here in the first place. But a look past Finn, seeing all the people who had become my make-shift family in such a turmoil of sorrow, quickly brought the reasons back to me. A little bit too quickly for my liking. I directed my attention back to Finn, who hadn't taken his eyes off of me.

"Take me home" I said, with my voice cracking.

Without a word, he reached down and grabbed my hand. The last thing I heard before he and I left, was the whooshing sound of the automatic double doors, and Mr. Luke informing his sister that 'everything would be okay.' Hearing the hurt in his voice was bad enough, which is why I didn't turn around to get one last look at them.

How did this happen? I began to think to myself on the ride home. How did we get here? A day that was going so wonderful, turn into something so dreadful.

When I woke up that morning, the only thing I had been worried about was whether or not Finn's family would like me, and now...well, let's just say, I wasn't worried about it anymore.

I must've been thinking about it longer than I thought. Because the next thing I realized was Finn's hand resting on top of my own and him clearing his throat.

"Umm, Rey...we're here"� he said.

I looked up from my lap and out the window to see the stairs on the side of the garage that led upstairs to my apartment. Finn squeezed my hand tight, and ran his thumb over the top of my hand, and for a moment there, all was peaceful. The heaviness from the night was no longer sitting on my chest, it was just Finn and I sitting in silence with my hand resting in his. But I knew we couldn't stay there in his car all night, so reluctantly, I let his hand go. I went to reach for the door handle before turning back to him to thank him for having me over, and all of the good things that had taken place earlier in the day. Even though those goods things were far from my mind and seemed like ages ago, given what had happened that night, I still didn't want him to think that I wasn't grateful for everything.

"We were glad to have you"� he said giving me a weak smile.

I pushed the door open and climbed out before turning around and wishing him a good night. But before I was able to close the door, Finn spoke up and said, "Are you going to be alright?"�

I thought about his question for a moment. I wasn't sure if I was or wasn't right then and there, but knew that _eventually_ I would be okay, at some point in time. But instead of telling him all of that, I simply told him good night yet again before closing the car door.

As I turned to face the building I was about to walk into, I realized that I was all alone now. I was the only one who lived here, and I was sure Leia and Ben would most definitely not be returning tonight. Not only did I live here but I worked here. And the entirety of this place would now remind me that Han was gone. Plus, for all I knew, he could've had his heart attack anywhere in the garage. Like by the receptionist area, or by my work bench...or even in my apartment.

"Finn!!!"� I screamed in hopes that he would hear me before his car pulled out of the parking lot. His car slammed on breaks, and he jumped out, not even putting his car into park. After he corrected his error, he ran up to me and grabbed my arms.

"Are you okay?"� the worry and concern evident on his face.

"Don't go"� was all I had managed to push out.

Once I had gotten my keys out and unlocked the door we both stepped inside. I sat my things down on the coffee table near the door and walked into the living room. I was finally back in my home, my own space. And because of that, I think I was finally comfortable enough to feel my emotions more deeply. Granted, the Solo's weren't my relatives, but they had given me a job, and a home, and had watched out for me ever since I came strolling into their lives. Which is far more than I could say about any of the foster homes I had been in, with exception of course of Mr. Luke and Ms. Mara. Han was worthy enough in my mind to be deemed as a _father figure._ The only one I would ever have probably, and now he was gone.

I buried my face in my hands and sighed. Even after all of this isn't as raw anymore, we would all be left with a hole in our lives where Han should've been.

Quiet footsteps approached me from behind as I felt Finn's arms snake their way around my waist, resting his hands on my stomach. That felt immensely better than what I had been feeling all night, so I dropped my head back onto his shoulder and placed my own hands on top of his, wanting him to hold me closer. He pressed him nose into the skin on my neck before planting a kiss there, giving me goosebumps.

Earlier on that evening, I had been considering asking Finn if he wanted to stay the night because _something like this_ might end up taking place, but taking everything into consideration that had happened that night, my mind simply wasn't in that place anymore.

Finn, who somehow must've been able to sense my thoughts, breathed out, "You should get some sleep."�

I turned around to face him wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms were still around my waist, but his hands now resided at the small of my back.

"Will you stay?"� I asked him, honestly unsure of what his answer would be.

"Only if you want me to"� he replied.

I smiled before saying, "I want you to."�

I released Finn before walking into my bedroom to change out of my clothes, and when I walked back out, I was greeted with the sight of Finn's shoes on the floor, with him sprawled out over the couch. I went back into my room to get an extra blanket for him and covered him up with it. It was then that I realized how late it actually was. In the five minute span it took me to change my clothes, Finn had fallen sleep. I kissed his cheek when I felt him stir. He reached his hand up and placed it on the back of my head pulling me closer towards him. I entertained the idea of staying just like that only for a second because of how content I had become with the idea of waking up next to him. But he was tired, and I was tired, and there was no way we could both fit comfortably on the couch. So, reluctantly, I placed Finn's hand back down by his side before running my hand through his hair.

I walked back towards my room and climbed into bed. I pulled my covers up, and with unbelievable ease, quickly fell asleep.

__

The funeral was horrible. The whole week that followed the night at the hospital was horrible, actually.

I only saw Leia once before the funeral. She looked miserable. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she was completely pale in the face. Her hair, which was normally combed nicely and flowing freely, was a mess.

I felt an enormous wave a sadness roll through me at the sight of her. I wanted to go up to her and hug her and tell her that everything would be okay. But I didn't know if it would be or not, and I also had no idea how the grieving process worked. I'm sure she had been told that a thousand times, and constantly hearing it I wouldn't know if it would've made her angry or sad. So I decided to be safe and not say anything at all.

Ben was at the garage all the time. However, I hardly heard him speak a word throughout the day. The only thing I heard him say was when he spoke directly to me informing me when the funeral was and where it would be.

I had never been to a funeral before so I texted Finn later on that night hoping he come with me, knowing for myself that it would make me feel better. Unfortunately he was covering for someone and absolutely could not get out of it. So I went alone.

It was cold the day of the funeral. Cold and wet. What started off as a light rain turned into a wintery mix of slush and ice. Then the wind started blowing so loudly I could barely hear the words that were being spoken about Han. I looked up at Leia, who was standing in between her brother and son. She'd probably never be the same again. Han's death had affected us all, but it probably hurt her more than anyone else. As the casket was slowly being lowered into the ground, it was at that moment I knew that I would never see Han Solo again.

On the walk home, I kept my jacket pulled tightly against myself trying to keep as warm as possible thinking in the back of my mind, 'there is no way I'm getting sick again.'

By the time I had gotten back to my place I was soaked. I peeled my jacket off and went to toss it in the dryer. That's when I noticed a little bag sitting on top of it. I picked it up and opened it to find a small box inside the bag with a note on it.

_We were going to wait until Christmas to give this to you, but Thanksgiving is good enough. And before you say that 'you can handle yourself' we already know which is why we're giving this to you. It's an upgrade from that piece of crap flip phone you have._

_-Han_

I opened the little box to reveal a brand new smart phone inside. As a tear landed on the screen it was then that I discovered that I was crying. And after that I had discovered that I hadn't cried throughout this entire ordeal. Not when we were in the waiting room, not when we found out that he died, not when I saw how much pain it had been putting Leia through, and not at the funeral. I couldn't contain the tears anymore, and let them fall. I held the phone close to my chest and cried. I cried like I hadn't cried in years. Han Solo was a good man who was helping me find my place in all of this. I began to wonder if I would be able to continue to find my place without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!! KINDA-SORTA SPOILERS!!  
> After seeing what I saw in the last jedi, I don't think that I'm capable as painting Ben as the 'good son' anymore. I hadn't planned for the story to go this way, but I can see it doing a complete 180 because of this.


	12. Twelfth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn helps Rey to move past the loss she has endured...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo.... A LOT of things have happened here lately. And when I say A LOT, I mean A LOT. And it's all bad things that have happened. So I was a little distracted when I wrote this, so please forgive me if it isn't up to par with the rest of the story, or if you think it's straight up trash...I'm just dealing with a lot and have a bunch of crap on my plate to deal with. But hopefully, y'all enjoy it...

December 31st

Dear Diary,

Today is just like any normal day, I guess.

Wake up. Get ready. Get dressed. Head downstairs. Go to class. Come home. Get some homework done. Clock on for shift. Do work. Clock off. Repeat.

It seems as though after Han died, that a routine had burrowed its way into my life. It some how felt safe, but at the same time I felt as though I was desperate to get away from it.

The insesant repetition of each and every day. Yes, some days I would visit Finn, or Finn would visit me, but I think even he knew that I just wasn't feeling myself these days. Each time we saw each other, I would plaster this fake smile on my face, that I'm sure he could see right through. So he kept asking me, 'Rey, are you alright?' to which I would reply, 'Yeah, I'm fine.'

I kept telling myself in the back of my mind that even if I wasn't okay  _right now_ that  _eventually_ I would be. It would just take some time is all. 

After what seemed like forever, Leia finally ended up coming back to work. But you could tell that she wasn't the same anymore. You could tell that even behind the smiles that weren't forced, that pain laid dormant deep down inside of her somewhere. 

When I finally worked up the courage to confront her, and asked how she had been after all of this time having gone not talking to her, she said nothing. Just simply pulled me in for a hug. She held on to me very tightly as we just stood there. I tried to fight it as best as I could, but eventually the tears made their way past my willpower. She brought her hand up to the back of my head in an attempt to sooth me which I found to be very odd. It should have been the other way around, but I guess Leia had finally made peace with the fact that her husband had passed away. How I wished that inner peace upon myself. 

After a few weeks had passed, one day Finn had come over to offer to make me dinner while I did my homework. I had the night off from work, and he said that he wanted to do something nice for me to help me feel better. I had been concentrating so heavily on the book in front of my face that I missed his question. 

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry...I just..." I said. 

Finn held his hand up implying that there was no need for me to apologize. 

"It's okay" he said smiling. "I said, a bunch of my co-workers are going out tomorrow night for New Year's Eve. Would you like to come?" he asked. 

I twirled the pencil I was holding around my fingers a few times. I took into consideration everything tomorrow night could hold for me. Yes, I had enough money. Yes, I would be available to go as I had no previous plans made. But at the same time, I was still feeling kind of low from all that had happened here recently.

After some time had passed, and I didn't give him an answer, Finn spoke up. "Oh come on babe, I know all of my co-workers are probably dying to meet you, being how you are all I've been talking about since...well, forever" he said with a smile while stirring the pot that was in front of him. 

I thought about it a while longer, and just as I was about to protest Finn had already walked over next to me. I could tell by the look on his face that he was going to try as hard as he could to encourage me to go. 

"Look" he began. 

"I know things have been rough for you here lately, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you" he said, taking one of my hands in his own. 

I looked up at him. I could feel myself beginning to blush as he brought my hand up to his lips and gently kissed the back of my hand. 

 _You've already been here for me._ I wanted to say. 

He was here now for me, making me dinner, holding my hand, attempting to help me get out of this miserable hole I had sunken into. 

"You need to get out of the house. You need to have some fun" he said. 

The next thing he opened his mouth to say, I was hardly ready to hear, but knew that it was the truth. 

"He wouldn't want you to stop living. He would want you to make the best out of the life you've made for yourself."

He gripped my hand a bit tighter after saying that. I sniffed inwards, as discretely as I could, not wanting to cry in front of Finn anymore than I had already these past couple of weeks. He was right. Han wouldn't have wanted me to put my life on hold just because of his loss. Thinking about it a little longer, is when I put two and two together. That's why Leia seemed so much better than she had been these past couple of weeks. Because she knew Han wouldn't have wanted her to stop living either. 

"Pretty please?" Finn asked again. I hadn't realized I had been lost in my thoughts as long as I was.

He had bundled my hand up, and was giving me those big adorable puppy dog eyes that were impossible to say no to.

Against my will, I felt the corners of my mouth perk up as I agreed to go out with him this weekend and meet his co-workers. 

~~~

We ended up meeting at this fancy restaurant. Finn said that the only reason that we were making this our first stop was to _pre-game._ Unsure of what that meant, I asked him before we walked in through the front doors.

"We're gonna stop and get a couple of drinks here before we head off to the New Years Eve party" he said holding the door open for me.

I felt my face contort in confusion.

"Finn, you do know I'm only..." I began.

He only looked down at me and smiled before planting a kiss on the top of my head. This only confused me more. Why would he want me to come out with everyone tonight, knowing that my age prohibited me from partaking in any _pre-gaming_ that would be happening tonight.

"I just want you with me. As long as you're here, I'll be having fun" he said smiling down at me again.

We walked inside as I looked up at Finn scoping out the place before I noticed that we were being waved down by Poe near the far side of the dining area.

As we approached the table I felt a little nervous the closer we got. Finn knew I wasn't particularly good with meeting strangers, but was very adamant on me joining him this evening to meet everyone. Once we were in front of the table, Finn and Poe slapped hands. Then two other guys who I didn't know slapped Finn on his shoulders. His entire face lit up once he had made contact with the entire group that was sitting at the table. It made me wish that I could be more like him when it came to meeting other people, or just being comfortable around people in general. But, seeing as how my past was...the way that it was, making friends or meeting new people in general was very complicated for me.

Lost in my train of thought, I felt Finn's hand pressed on the small of my back inching me closer towards the table and everyone sitting there.

"So everybody" Finn began to say. I noticed how he puffed out his chest, and stood extremely tall before introducing me to everyone. It made me think in the back of my mind that my cute boyfriend was on pins and needles ready to introduce me to everyone, and was very proud in doing so.

"This is Rey" he said placing his arm around my shoulders before pointing to each person sitting around the table and introducing them.

"You already know Poe" even though this was true, Poe still waved at me and shot me a friendly smile.

"But, this is his girlfriend Jessika Pava." Jessika smiled at me immediately before flashing a brilliantly white set of teeth towards me.

Finn pointed his finger on down the line of people at the table. "Even though you've been to my house before, I don't think you've ever met my roommate, Slip...he works nights" Finn added for emphasis. Slip stood up from his chair and shook my hand, smiling at me as well. "And this is his girlfriend Kare Kun" he said pointing to the girl sitting next to him. 

"Hi Rey" she said waving at me before Finn continued on down the line. 

"And this is Slip's little brother Snap, and his girlfriend Paige Tico" Finn said introducing me to the final couple sitting around the table. 

After all was said and done, Finn and I sat down at the table. Since everyone seemed to know everyone, I was worried that everyone's attention was going to be ending up on me. However, everyone seemed to know me well enough once everyone had ordered a drink and began talking. 

"So Rey" Kare started out. 

"Is it really true you tackled Finn when you first met him, because you thought he was robbing the garage you work at?"

I started to laugh, lingering on that memory that seemed like such a long time ago. But before I had the chance to answer, another question was brought up.

"No, no, no. I wanna hear the story of why Finn had your name saved as ' _Stardust'_ in his phone before he ended up changing it to Cute Girlfriend" Snap said. 

I looked at Finn with a questioning look on my face, that I assume Jessika was able to read perfectly.

"All he does is talk about  _you_ sweetheart. Even when we beg him to stop" she said, over imposing on the last part so I would be sure to know that she was speaking facetiously. 

After everyone's conversations started to merge more away from me, and more towards general topics, I noticed that everyone had finished their second and third drinks, as they all began asking for their bills. I took one last sip of my club soda, before everyone who had paid stood up and headed for the door. 

"Where to now?" I asked Finn as he placed his hand around my waist. 

"Now, we're headed to go dance. Are you okay with that?" he asked. 

"I just wanted you to meet my friends, so if you don't want to go dancing, we can just go back to your place" he suggested. 

I was kind of tempted to take his offer, but his friends seemed nice enough. And the group of girls seemed to like me, so I kissed his cheek before saying, "Lead the way."

~~~

Turns out the dance club was in walking distance of the restaurant we were at. As soon as we were all in, I was greeted with music that was turned up so loud, I could feel it vibrating through my body. Finn kept a possessive arm around me, holding me close. He knew I was a huge fan of crowds, so I assuming he did so in order to ensure that I was comfortable. But not even a second later, both of my wrists were being tugged by Paige and Jessika, urging me towards the dance floor. 

I think the girls could sense how in my head I was about being in a dance club, so the three of them made a protective circle around me to keep everyone else away as they started to dance. 

Soon enough, I felt comfortable enough to fall into the rhythm of the beat of the song. All three of us were pressed together so close, so I didn't have to worry about some random guy trying to come up and dance with me, or grope me. Unfortunately so, this was not the case for Jessika. Some guy walked up behind her and grabbed her by the hips pulling her closer to him, but it seemed as though Jessika was more than ready to defend herself from his unwanted attention. 

She placed the entirety of her palm over the guys face, and pushed him back...hard. "No thanks!" she yelled at him, daring him to try again. Luckily, he didn't. 

As the night went on, one of the many bartenders came around the dance floor with a palate full of shots. Kare grabbed one, Paige grabbed one, while Jessika grabbed two. All of the girls downed their shots with relative ease. That's when I noticed that Jessika hadn't yet taken hers. It was because she was holding one of the glasses in front of me, evidently wanting me to do a shot with her.

I glanced at the glass, then approached her as close as I could so no one else would hear me. 

"You know I'm only eighteen, right?" I yelled.

Jessika only smiled at me. "Yeah, we all know. But on New Years Eve, nobody cares enough to check, because everyone brings a fake I.D. Trust me sweetheart, you'll be fine" she said placing the shot in my hand. 

I would hate to get caught drinking under aged, and get all of us thrown out, but something made me think that Jessika knew what she was talking about. So, I downed the shot as quick as I could, just as I saw the other girls do. But was almost immediately met with a nearly overpowering wave of what I can only describe as, ' _Too much.'_

I began coughing, nearly dropping my shot glass as I felt Jessika gently patting me on the back. 

"Here quick, take mine too. One will make you sick, two will have you feeling better" she said. 

I only for a moment, hesitated in taking the shot from her, but only at first. I figured doing another shot wouldn't be nearly as bad as that first one. And as it turns out, I was right. 

Finn approached me sometime later, after I had had a few more shots with the girls. And I'm not sure if he could just tell that I was tipsy, or if he could smell it on me. 

"Okay, you guys, take it easy on her, alright?" Finn said throwing his hands around my waist. I in return threw my hands around his neck and pulled him closer towards me.

"Dance with me!!" I slurred/demanded him as I pulled back to look at his face. 

He placed his hand at the side of my face in order to keep my head still and leaned into me so only I could hear him. "Are you alright?" 

I nodded my head at him before saying back, "Jessika said she wouldn't let me go overboard, because I'm a...umm, what did she call me?" I said holding on to Finn so I wouldn't sway.

"A lightweight?" he said. 

"Yeah!!" I said, a little bit louder than I probably should have.

It looked like Finn was about to say something else before he was interrupted by almost everyone in the club screaming in unison, "Ten, nine, eight..."

We both simultaneously realized what was happening and joined along in the countdown. 

"Five, four, three, two, one...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!" everyone screamed. 

The new years' song started to play as confetti went everywhere and everyone who was within reaching distance of anyone else all started kissing one another. I looked up at Finn and smiled. So thankful that he had managed to talk me into coming out with everyone tonight due to how much fun I was having. He pulled me closer and moved a piece of confetti that had landed on my cheek away, before he leaned in and kissed me. For some reason though, it was unlike any kiss that we had ever shared. It was even more intense than that first time we had ever kissed at the beach underneath the fireworks on the fourth of July. I felt my toes curl as Finn pulled me flush against his body, and in that moment, it felt like he and I were the only ones in the building...the only ones in the world.

After I pulled away, he looked down at me and smiled. "Happy New Years Rey" he said. 

"I..."he began to say. I lo..." but was quickly interrupted by Poe throwing an arm around Finn's shoulder screaming in his ear that the club was giving away free shots. 

Poe gave Finn a shot, as Jessika gave me another. And soon enough the night ended up blurring into one big moment, until it felt like I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. 

~~~

The last thing I remembered before waking up, was hearing Paige screaming 'Go Rey! Go Rey! Go Rey!' and then what was probably my final shot of the evening. 

I slowly opened my eyes, and at first began to panic not recognizing where I was or how I got there, but then my sight soon returned itself to me. And I was granted with the knowledge that I was in Finn's room at his place. I realized this because of the picture on the wall of his grandparents, and the faint smell of cinnamon that always lingered in his apartment for some reason. 

Soon enough, I was able to lift my head without feeling last nights unwise choices catch up with me. I lifted my head enough to see that I had my entire body wrapped around Finn, big spoon style. He was facing completely away from me, but that must've not stopped me from wrapping my leg over his hip, and snaking my arm around his torso that somehow sneaked up his shirt and was resting on his bare skin. 

I became curious as to what time it was, so I rolled away from Finn, careful not to wake him up, and checked my phone which was laying on the nightstand on the side of the bed we weren't facing. It was 9:45 a.m. but opening my phone up, I discovered that I was tagged in several SnapChat stories from the night before. I didn't remember anyone getting their phones out, so I figured it must've been after I had a shot too many. 

I opened up the stories, but made sure my phone was turned down enough so as to not wake Finn up.

I smiled in a bit of amusement, and a bit of embarrassment, as I was greeted with the activity that transpired last night. One of the stories was of me dancing with Finn, with a caption going across the screen saying, ' _Rey backing it up!! Wooooiiiii!!!'_

I clicked my phone off when I felt Finn stir. He stretched his arms before rolling over and looking at me. He reached up and smoothed his hand over my face before saying, "I was going to take the couch last night...but you were  _very_ insistent that I sleep with you" he said seriously. 

All I could do was manage a smile. I knew Finn would never hurt me, or take advantage of me. I vaguely remember for a brief second him laying me down on his bed and taking my shoes off before he turned to go. But then before he was out of reach, I grabbed his wrist and begged him to stay with me. I'm sure it was the alcohol, but still, it was a bold move on my part. Seeing how Finn and I had never shared a bed before. 

"Did you have fun last night?" he asked, breaking the silence. 

I nodded my head, and remained silent just staring at him.

He furrowed his brow and made a confused face.

"What is it?" he said laughing. 

"Oh nothing" I said, already knowing that I was blushing. 

"It's just...your voice is so sexy and deep in the morning" I said smiling, as he smiled back up at me. 


	13. Thirteenth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise turns Rey's life upside down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been a writing machine here lately!!! I hope this feeling never goes away!!
> 
> WARNING!!!  
> The chapters are gonna get a bit 'steamy' here shortly, as you'll find out what Rey is thinking about it this chapter. I hadn't planned it to be this way...but it happened, so it is what it is...(you know you can't trust us little freaks lol ;P )
> 
> as always, y'all enjoy :))

January 9th,

 

Dear Diary, 

 

I don't know what it is, but for some reason my mind keeps on replaying the morning I woke up on New Year's Day wrapped around Finn, over and over and over again.

Not that I mind in the slightest bit. There's nothing wrong with my thoughts lingering on my cute boyfriend. However the distraction of thinking about being pressed so closely to Finn, in his bed, has made my mind wander to  _other_ places. 

Now thinking about  _that,_ has become some what of a problem. 

For instance, I was at school the other day, when the thought of Finn snuck up on me. 

I was in the process of writing down my homework assignment, when it just hit me out of no where. When I woke up that morning, I remember my hand was resting on Finn's chest. The thing was, I had slipped my hand underneath his shirt and my hand was resting against his flesh.

I wish I had kept it there a moment longer than what I had. I also found myself longer for my skin to be pressed against his again, but maybe on a grander scale. Even if that couldn't happen, resting my hand where his heart had been beating so soothingly, would've been just as good. 

I also remember catching a whiff of whatever cologne Finn was wearing along with the natural scent that he always carries. Not that I've never noticed when I give him a hug or a kiss, it just seemed so much more intimate to discover his aroma that way. 

After that, I began thinking about other things that hadn't even happened. Like Finn's lips. I've kissed them many, many times before, but I started thinking about the next time I got the chance to kiss them, if I should follow through with the sudden urge I got to gently bite down on his lower lip. Then maybe after that, soothe the love bite by taking it between my lips and sucking on it. 

I got so lost in my train of thought, I hadn't even noticed that class had been dismissed, and that new students were beginning to flood the room all over again. I quickly gathered up all my belongings and walked out the door. 

Later on while I was at work, it happened again. A man had brought his car in, not knowing what the problem is, only knowing that his car was making a strange grinding noise. 

"I don't have a lot of time on my hands, but I need it fixed fast" the man said.

His words brought me back to the first time I had ever met Finn. To the first time I had ever serviced his car and almost everything was wrong with it. I asked him why he hadn't taken better car of his car, and his response was, 'I don't have a lot of time on my hands', to which I replied, 'Unless you want to end up paying for a new car, I suggest you find the time.'

It was such a long, long time ago. That was the first day I had met him. Before that, nothing significant had really happened in my life. Aside from getting a job and getting into college. But everything that had followed since then, was either because of Finn, or was made better because of Finn. The trip to the beach, being taken care of when I was sick, getting to know what a real Thanksgiving dinner was like, and most recently dealing with Han's death. Had I not met Finn, and had he not shown me how great it can be to share your life with someone else, I'd still be a no one living her hum-drum life, simply existing day to day. 

I was so overcome with the thoughts the memory provided I nearly felt myself shed a tear. But that was before the man standing in front of me cleared his throat. I guess I had been standing there a bit too long for his liking without giving him an answer. 

"Oh, forgive me sir" I said. "It's a simple fix. It's your cars rotors."

Probably the most embarrassing time that I ended up thinking about Finn, happened to be later on at his place. 

Finn had brought me my lunch one Saturday. Before he ended up leaving, he told me that all of the guys were going to have a boys night out, and all the girls were going to have a girls night in.

"All the girls are going to hang out at my and Slip's place while we go out, and then once we all come home we were gonna just hang out" he explained.

"The girls have all been asking me if you would like to come over and spend the evening with them?" I bit into my sandwich that he had brought for me. Trying hard not to smile as largely as I wanted. I had only met the girls once, and here they were trying to include me into their circle just as they had the other night.

I nodded my head, due to my mouth was full with food. I had never really had many friends growing up. And when I met Finn, I thought that he was all that I would ever want or need. But other people gradually grew on me. Like the Solo's of course, and now I had a group of girlfriends to have as well.

After I got off work, I rode my bike over to Finn's house and ended up being the first girlfriend there. Slip opened the door for me and guided me in through the house to the kitchen. 

"I bought margarita mix stuff for all you gals tonight, so you can drink, do your nails, braid each others hair, and whatever else everyone had in mind" he said smiling.

"And I am leaving one of my credit cards here so you all can order a pizza if you get hungry" Finn said walking out of his bedroom. He placed the credit card in my hand before dropping his own to my shoulder giving it a few rubs, then leaned in to kiss my forehead. 

Just a simple little kiss, and I found myself wanting more from him. More than just one kiss. Maybe two or three, or as many as he would give me. I held the card in my hands as the others began showing up. All the girls walked up to me and threw their arms around me, evidently elated that I decided to join them for their girls night in party. All of the guys made their way for the door, before each guy kissed his respective girl. Finn did the same. He walked up to me and kissed me on my cheek this time. He then smiled at me and said, "Have fun. I'll see you later on tonight" and then walked away. 

Even after he had shut the door, I continued to keep my gaze in the direction he had walked off in, just smiling to myself. It wasn't until I had realized I was just standing there until all the girls simultaneously erupted in an "Oooooooooooh." That managed to snap me from my thoughts.

"Jeez Rey, quit drooling!" Paige teased.

"Yeah! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a very big crush on your own boyfriend" Kare said. 

I felt myself blush while I laughed at their joke, burying my hand in my face so they wouldn't know that their teasing was actually spot on. I most definitely was smitten with my own boyfriend.

After Kare mixed up the drinks, and I ordered the pizza, everything that Slip implied earlier on, ended up happening. Kare was braiding Paige's hair, as Jessika did my nails. She wanted to start on my hands, but I instructed her that my manicure would be ruined come my next shift at the garage since I have to work so aggressively with my hands. So she decided to do my toes instead. 

Once the pizza arrived, Jessika was the first to speak up. 

"Ladies, do we have good boyfriends or what?" she said. 

"First Slip pays for our drinks" she said nodding at Kare. "Then Finn pays for our dinner" she said nodding towards me. 

"And the amazing thing, it didn't even take any  _extra_ convincing" Kare said. I looked up from my pizza, unsure of what she was implying. 

"Oh I know where this is going" Paige chimed in. "No extra convincing" she said air quoting. 

"Like you had to use extra convincing to make him go to your dad and step-moms wedding with you?" she asked.

"Ugh" Kare said rolling her eyes. "I don't know why I ever told you that" she said laughing despite herself. 

"He wasn't going to go for it, but what guy would ever say no to a blow job?" Kare said as all the girls began to laugh. 

I could feel my face immediately heat up, now knowing the direction in which the conversation was headed. The feeling of heat intensified when Paige looked at me and said, "So, is that what you and Finn were up to before we all got here, or did he volunteer his card to you of his own free will?" she asked with a teasing tone. 

I tried to keep my cool without them knowing that I was a flustering mess on the inside, not really knowing how to respond. So I simply told them the truth.

"Oh....um, no. He just, uhh...gave it to me. I actually didn't know he was going to. I didn't ask or anything..." I said lowering my head. 

Thankfully they didn't catch on (yet) 

"Yea, Finn doesn't seem like the type anyway" Paige spoke up. "He's always been a 'something for nothing' kind of guy. He'd give a stranger of the street his rent money if they'd ask" she said reaching for another slice of pizza. 

"Yea" Jessika said. " _Giving Finn_ " she said in a goofy way swaying her hands and head around with overemphasis. 

"I bet he gives you  _anything_ you want  _anytime_ you want, huh Rey?" Kare said elbowing me. "I practically had to beg Slip to go down on me after we had been dating for a while. It was almost a deal breaker" she said. 

After I heard her say that, I nearly choked on the pizza that was in my mouth. Jessika stood up from her chair and began patting me on the back.

"Are you alright?" she asked me. I coughed a couple of times before nodding my head and finally getting a 'yes' out. 

Never having had girlfriends before, I couldn't attest to if being so open with talks of intimacy was a normal thing. But evidently between Jessika, and Kare, and Paige, it was. Not that I would have anything to contribute to the conversation anyway because of the fact that Finn and I hadn't been intimate yet. And it soon became evident to the girls that this was the case. Everyone narrowed their eyes at me before Paige finally broke the uncomfortable silence lingering in the air.

"So...wait. You and Finn have never..." she began, but was quickly cut off by Jessika. 

"Oh don't go butting into her and Finn's business!" she said popping Paige on the arm. 

I nervously looked around from girl to girl, and soon enough, they discovered even more about the situation at hand. 

"Have you...with  _anyone?"_ Kare asked. 

I suddenly felt overexposed, and wished that I had just stayed home. I had never been placed in a situation where my knowledge, or lack thereof, experience would ever be called into question or examined. I began secretly thinking that they were going to judge me for it. But they didn't. After I shook my head, they all seemed quite proud of me. I was unsure of the reasoning behind this, until they all began telling me that they wish they would've waited a bit longer to make the decisions they did. Or maybe even have given their virginity to the men that they were currently with. 

"Well...it's not like I haven't thought about it" I explained to them.

"Just because I haven't slept with anyone doesn't mean I'm blind. I mean, come on!! Just look at him!" I said, feeling the affect of the alcohol that Jessika had poured me a glass of earlier. I guess she could tell I was nervous just having the conversation, so she made me a margarita to help take my nerves out of the situation.

"That's no surprise the way you were backing it up on him at that New Year's Eve party we went to" Paige said laughing. 

I smiled, still feeling a small flutter of anxiousness about the topic, but a little bit more willing to open up about it. 

"But what if Finn hasn't thought about...'it'" I asked, mimicking Paige earlier as she had done her air quotes. 

"Oh, he's thought about it" Kare said, rather loudly.

"Kare!" Jessika said popping her arm, yet a second time.

"What?! We all know it's true!" she said honestly. It was then that I figured that she must've consumed the most of the margarita so far, as she was being brutally honest, and a little bit louder than the rest of us.

"If I were you, the second he walked in that door, I'd tell him to come back you to your place for some 'alone time' or a 'grown-up sleepover' or whatever you want to call it" she said, using the air quotes as well.

"So what, you're going to pressure her into getting laid now?" Jessika asked.

"Since when has getting laid ever been a bad thing?" Kare quipped back.

"Um, it would be a bad thing if she's not ready. Ever think of that?" I smiled at Jessika. So very thankful that she was fighting my battle in the conversation for me. 

But I also began to think that taking Finn back to my place wouldn't be such a bad idea. I mean, I kinda, sorta,  _had_ been thinking about it already anyway. And all the girls were absolutely  _sure_ that Finn had already thought about it too. 

So when all of the guys did come back to Slip and Finn's place, I looped my arm around his and whispered in his ear, "Do you want to go back to my place?" He leaned over at me and smiled.

"Sure" he said, kissing my forehead like he had done earlier that day. As we were walking out the front door, Kare jokingly gave me a dirty look and a thumbs up before Jessika shooed her away. Right before I walked out, Jessika locked eyes with me and gave me a look. Even though neither of us said a word to one another, I could tell what her look meant. 'Be sure.'

On the ride back, I stayed quiet while Finn told me about what all they had done that night. Then once we arrived, I started getting a nervous feeling in my stomach that I knew for a fact wasn't butterflies, or the giddiness of the situation. But it was the gravity of what was about to happen. I exited my car door, and the feeling intensified. We both walked up my stairs so Finn could kiss me goodnight, and my hands began to shake. Jessika's unspoken words were ringing in my head. 'Be sure.' I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure about what would happen if I invited Finn in with the intention of sharing a bed with him, in a much more intimate way. And because I had this thought, I knew I wasn't ready. 

I took a deep breath at this realization, feeling the pressure of what could've ended up taking place in my house fall away from me. This isn't how I wanted it to go anyway. The next time I saw the girls they would all know, and give me knowing grins, even though all would be good intentioned with a teasing intent. I had been drinking, as well. I wanted to be in the right state of mind, and recall every single moment of everything that would've happened between he and I. 

Then my last thought dawned on me, which was probably the most important reason as to not go through with it tonight. I have never had the need for birth control. I had no shots, or pills or any of the other methods of prevention. So if I sprung this on Finn now, it would be left completely in his hands, and what if he hadn't had a source of protection either?

By the time we reached the top of the stairs, I'm glad that I decided not to go through with it. I'm without a doubt sure Jessika meant 'be sure' when she looked at me before I walked out the door. So I decided to take her advice. Besides, it's not like Finn or I were going anywhere. We have plenty of time together, to decide together when we want to take our relationship to the next level. 

I faced Finn. So extremely thankful and happy to have him in my life. He leaned in and kissed me. Not on my forehead, and not on my cheek, but on my lips this time. It was one of those toe curling kisses that shot a jolt of electricity throughout my body and made my knees weak. He glided his tongue over my lips asking without asking me to open my mouth for him, which I happily obliged to. His hands sunk lower on my waist and pulled my body towards his own. I felt our chests brush up against each other, as both of our breathing paces increased. 

Once I finally needed a break for air, Finn began kissing the side of my face and placed his face in my neck as I felt him breathe in. I held him against my body, not wanting to let him go yet. I felt him run his hands up and down my back in a soothing manner. This man, who I was holding and was holding me was my everything. Maybe I wasn't ready for the next step, but I had to let him know how much he meant to me. How much he always  _will_ mean to me. 

'Say it, Rey' I thought to myself.

'Just say it before you loose your nerve' I silently thought again. 

Finn's motion against my back ceased, and I figured maybe this was the universes way of telling me that I needed to tell him. However I was sorely mistaken when Finn pulled himself out of my embrace. 

"What's this?" he asked.

There was a note on my door waiting for me that I hadn't even noticed was there, that he had tore off and was holding in his hand.

I took the paper from him, and felt all of the happiness and contentment and joy that I had felt simply standing there with Finn completely drain itself out of my body.

EVICTION NOTICE:

RESIDENT HAS 30 DAYS TO EVACUATE THE PROPERTY


	14. Fourteenth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've added additional tags, as I'm sure everyone has seen already. But they won't be put to use just yet. I've got a few more chapters to update and then they will apply
> 
> As always, y'all enjoy:))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey panics...

January 13th,

 

Dear Diary,

 

Eviction!? An eviction notice!? I couldn't believe it. 

I remember snatching the piece of paper, (unintentionally) out of Finn's hand, because I had to read it for myself with my own two eyes.

After my eyes glossed over the paper, there was no doubting it. I was being evicted. I was being evicted from my comfy little apartment, that had all the convenience in the world, seeing how my place of employment was just downstairs. I was also being evicted from the very first place that I had ever been able to refer to as  _home._

This was terrible. I began thinking of everything that I could think of that could've been the possible reasoning behind this sudden eviction notice. Just as the only valid reasoning popped into my mind, Finn voiced the exact same thing that I was thinking.

"Are you behind on your rent?" he asked me. 

"Because if you are, don't worry. I can spot you the rent money so you won't be evicted" he stated. 

I was thinking the exact same thing as he was, but then I remembered that the deal was to let the Solo's claim me on their taxes, instead of paying them rent. So that reason no longer became logical. 

I shook my head at Finn, deciding to tell him that that was not the case instead of going into the arrangement I had set up.

"I've got to..." I began saying. Only I didn't know what I had to do. I didn't do anything to deserve to be evicted. Normally it's a payment issue, or a noise violation, or other tenants making complaints for some other reasons. I could not think of one reason in the world why the Solo's would just randomly decide to throw me out. I was going to be homeless, and that scared me. 

"I've got to talk to Leia" I said, completing my thought. 

I walked past Finn and into my home that evidently was not going to be mine for too much longer. 

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I unlocked my screen and began fishing for Leia's number in my contacts. It was then, that Finn put his hand overtop of mine. Feeling my pace quicken, I looked up at him with a look that I'm sure read aggravation.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. Clearly, he didn't see how big of a deal this was. How much of a pressing issue, that needed to be resolved  _immediately._

"Look, I know you're freaked out by this..." he began.

"Freaked out?! Freaked out!? I'm going to be homeless Finn!" I said louder than I needed to, but just to add emphasis on the situation at hand. 

"I won't let that happen Rey" Finn said back.

I rolled my eyes, surprised at myself. "Finn, this isn't up to you! This isn't your property, if they decide to throw me out, they can! I don't know why they would do this to me, but it is completely within their power to do so." 

I jerked my phone out of his hands and went to find Leia's number. 

"Rey, it's late" Finn said.

"I'm sure this whole thing is just a misunderstanding, you can talk to Leia about it first thing in the morning" he said, stepping closer to me, and resting his hand on my shoulder, like he always did when I was upset. He was always good at comforting me, but not this time. Him asking me to wait to find out what was going on with my living situation didn't put me at ease like how he was probably thinking. 

"Finn, if I wait until tomorrow, there will only be 29 days that I have left" I said back to him.

He looked as if he was about to protest again, but I quickly hit Leia's number, and held my phone up to my ear so that he would know that what was done was done. 

The phone rang a few times, before finally it went to her voicemail. I sighed as I pulled my phone away from my ear to hang it up. Finn was right, it was late. Leia more than likely had been sleep for a few hours now. But in my mind the suddenness of this situation needed to be answered right away. 

It wouldn't do any good to call again, and even if I did, and managed to get a hold of her I would feel guilty for waking her up. 

I tossed my phone on my couch and began pacing the floor back and forth. I started to chew on my thumbnail and began to think of other reasons that I hadn't thought of as to why they would be kicking me out. I felt my hands begin to shake as my worry grew. 

As I was walking back and forth Finn stepped in front of me, stopping my stride. 

"Rey" he said holding me by both of my shoulders looking me in the eye. "Breathe" he said.

I knew I needed to listen to him. Knowing that until morning came there was no reason to continue to panic. I knew I needed to sit down, take a deep breath, and to not think about this issue until morning. But unfortunately so, I couldn't. 

I removed Finn's hands from my shoulders, and stepped back away from him. I felt like kicking myself for what I ended up asking him, when not even twenty minuets earlier I had asked him if he wanted to come back to my place. Why? Why for once couldn't things go according to plan whenever it involved me asking Finn to come back to my place?

"Finn...I just need some time to think..." I paused, and then decided to further my sentence so he would understand what I was driving at.

"Alone" I said.

The look on his face was that of understanding, but hurt as well. I knew I was probably being a little over the top, but him being there for the time being was not helping, and I didn't want to end up saying something to him that I would later regret.

So, putting on a smile I happen to know for a fact, was forced, he stepped back towards me and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. 

"Goodnight Rey" he said. "If you want to talk tomorrow after you talk with Leia, just call me" and with that, he turned and walked out the door carefully shutting it behind him.

I wanted to go after him, saying that I changed my mind and that he didn't have to leave. I felt as if I was being too mean to him, but he was already out the door, and I could hear his footsteps descending the stairs. 

Now I was even more tense than I had been. I have this... _eviction_ situation to deal with, and I probably hurt Finn's feelings when all he was trying to do was be there for me. 

I plopped down on my couch and buried my face in my hands. It seems as though whenever things seem to be going in the right direction for me, something bad always tends to happen. I knew that if Mr. Luke and Ms. Mara hadn't offered me a place to stay I would've ended up on the streets, but that was to be expected. Now, it was a total surprise that I might end up on the streets. I had a home, and a job. I'm a student, and a girlfriend. If one was taken away from me, how would it affect the others?

The constant thinking was starting to give me a headache. I got up off the couch and walked towards my bedroom and fell on top of the comforter not even bothering to change my clothes. I knew it didn't matter what I ended up wearing to bed. Comfortable clothes or not, I knew I wouldn't be sleeping tonight. And I was right.

This day couldn't get any worse.

~~~

The next day, as soon as I heard movement downstairs, I threw on my shoes and made my way out the door. 

I ran into a few mechanics who all smiled as they normally would at me. That suggests that they didn't know anything about the current predicament I was in.

Finally I saw Leia. I was as anxious as I was relieved when I finally saw her. She didn't look to good the closer I got to her though. It had been a few weeks since Han had died, and slowly she was beginning to look like her old self. But now, if I didn't know any better, the Leia who was at the hospital the night Han died was the Leia I swear I was looking at. 

It seems as though as soon as I approached her, she knew what I was going to ask. Which made sense seeing how no one else could evict me aside from the owner of the property. But I asked anyway.

"Leia..." I began, not quite knowing what to say. I was so worked up last night I hadn't even thought about what is was that I was going to say to her. The obvious question would be what reason is there that I was being evicted. But the bigger question I wanted to ask, was  _why?_

In my eyes, Han Solo was a father figure to me. So I guess it's only natural that his wife was like a mother figure to me as well, which she was. But when I saw that eviction notice on my door, deep down, I felt a small twinge of betrayal hit me, that I didn't know that I was capable of feeling towards them. It has incessantly happened throughout the duration of my life, so of course now it would happen now that I had let my guard down. But before I allowed myself to jump to any hasty conclusions, I had to hear straight from Leia what the reason was before I assumed anything. 

"Do you not want me to live here anymore?" I asked, my voice cracking unexpectedly. 

"No" Leia said stepping forward and grabbing my hand with both of hers. It reminded me of the first time I had met her.

"It's nothing like that sweetheart, I would never do that to you" she said. Even though I believed her, ironically, it's exactly what she  _was_ doing to me...or so I thought.

"Then why?" I asked. Not at all prepared for the answer I received.

"It's Ben" she said quietly. "Ben is selling the garage."

I felt my brows furrow in confusion. "How can he do that if you..." I began to ask.

"Han left the garage to Ben when he died. He assumed he'd be much older than what he was, and I'm not far behind him in age. So of course he wouldn't leave it to me. If all went according to plan, I'd be too old to run the garage, so he left it in Ben's name and now...he's selling it." Leia looked down towards where our hands were joined. She looked absolutely crushed.

I couldn't believe my ears. Did that mean that it would cost me my job too? I had to see Ben, maybe I could talk him out of it. 

I dropped Leia's hand and rounded the corner towards the reception area I knew Ben would be standing at, and there he was.

"Ben" I called out to him.

He looked up from his post, with that brooding face he seemed to always wear. I'm sure I looked distraught, but the look on his face said that he was going to be uninterested in whatever it was that I had to say to him.

"You...you can't...you can't do this!!" I stammered out. 

Ben said nothing. He turned his head back down to the files he was going over. I stepped closer to him, not believing what was actually happening. 

"Don't you care what happens to us? The people who have jobs here?" I asked him. When he still refused to look at me, I became angry, and therefore ended up saying something that under normal circumstances I would have  _never_ said, let alone think.

"What would your father think?" I asked him quietly. Now  _that_ got his attention.

"Han Solo is dead" he said coldly. I almost had to take a step back at the emotionlessness in Ben's statement. He said it so simply, so matter-of-factly, like it didn't bother or affect him at all. Didn't he miss his father? Was he not upset by his loss? Did he not care to disgrace the memory of his father, and his father's establishment. 

"It's not my job to provide for these people. They may have all worked here a long time, but I don't want the burden of this garage for the rest of my life. So why would I care what happens to any of you? Especially you?" After he said that, I did take a step back.

"You come from nothing. You're nothing" he said, then walked away.

I felt my mouth drop in shock, and a single tear roll down my cheek.

Ben was going to sell my livelihood out from under me, and there wasn't a thing I could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the chapters kinda on the short side, but hey man... at least I got it out :))   
> comments are welcomed and encouraged


	15. Fifteenth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter jumps right in to trouble...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my friends/readers!! :)) I just wanted to tell all of you that I really appreciate you staying with this story. This is one of the first multiple chapter fics I wrote and I'm still going with it. I know I'll be wrapping it up soon within the next couple chapters or so, I just wanted to say thanks for reading  
> and as always, y'all enjoy:))

February 1st,

 

Dear Diary,

 

So for the past few days I've thought of only two things. I'm about to be homeless, and jobless. But now, and very unfortunately so, I am about to be homeless, jobless,  _and_ alone. It's so stupid...all of this. It could've been so easily avoided. 

But, dearest diary, my life thus far has been reduced to one absolute. And that is whenever things tend to be going my way, and I've found a little bit of breathing room, and have found a little bit of happiness, something bad is bound to happen. 

~~~

"Ben is such a jerk! I can't believe he would say that to me!" I screamed. After I was hired and treated like family by his own flesh and blood, he could treat me this way? After all the business I had brought in, after being there at the hospital the night his father died, and going to the funeral. Ben said that I was nothing, and was treating as such.

"Calm down Rey, I told you everything is going to be alri..." Finn began.

I found myself getting angrier and angrier every time he said what he was about to say.

" _Everything's going to be alright Rey. We'll figure this out Rey. I won't let anything happen to you Rey"_ I said to him, knowing that that is what he had intended to say anyway.

"Don't get mad at me, okay? I'm just trying to help you" he said back to me.

I hadn't asked him to come over, and quite frankly was annoyed that he was even there. Because every time my situation was brought up, he would say the exact same thing.

"I already cleared it with Slip, and he said he had no problem with you moving in with us" Finn said.

Logically, it was the best thing to do. It was the easiest thing to do. Moving in with Finn would be great. But somehow, it made me feel incompetent. Back when I was in the system, I  _had_ to be given a home. A place to sleep, someone to feed me, and all that other stuff. But now that I am off age, relying on someone else, even Finn, felt like an unsafe move to make. Now that I was of age, I wasn't owed anything anymore. And relying on someone else seemed like a risk that I didn't want to take, full and well knowing that I could be dropped at the first sign of trouble. 

I knew Finn. I knew he wouldn't do something like that, it was just a reflex that I had developed over all the years, now possessing knowledge of the way other people thought. Finn is different. Finn is my boyfriend. We both care about each other. But moving in with him, relying on him to take care of me is something that scared me even more than joblessness and homelessness put together. 

"And I already told you, that I don't want to move in with you two!" I shouted back at him.

This entire fight was killing me on the inside. Because every time I restated that I didn't want to live with Finn, or I shouted at him, his face quickly contort into that sad puppy dog eye thing he did. The same look he would feign that made me fall for him, only this time, it was real. 

"Why not Rey?! What is it about you not wanting to move in with me?! What are you so afraid of?!" he asked me back.

"I'm not afraid!" I said to him.

He looked down at me. Clearly unconvinced of the answer I gave him. "Okay well just tell me this, why don't you want to move in with me? Just give me one  _good_ reason why you don't?" Finn stood there, staring at me, staring  _through_ me. I couldn't give him an answer. Or a good one like he requested, because he was right. I was afraid. And I was also afraid to admit that I was afraid. But instead of telling Finn this, I stupidly made the mistake of saying...

"I don't need you to take care of me Finn. I don't need you at all!" I screamed. Actually shocking myself that I had said something that I didn't mean at all. But the look on Finn's face read to me that the truth had finally come out, which wasn't the case at all.

Finn stepped back a ways away from me, as if I had pushed him. He put his hand over his chest and looked down at his feet. Even before the words had left my mouth I wanted to apologize to him, run to him, hold him, and beg for his forgiveness. Tell him that I was nothing without him, and that he belonged to me and no one else. That I...loved him, even if I hadn't said it to him ever before. He must have realized deep down somewhere that my life would never be the same if he walked out of it. 

"Well if you don't need me..." he began to say. "Why are we even together?" 

My heart dropped down into my stomach, as I felt tears well up in my eyes. I felt like I couldn't move, couldn't speak as Finn turned to walk out of my door, that soon wouldn't be mine anymore, and out of my life which was quickly spiraling out of control. 

I felt myself regain my movement and ran to him, grasping his arm. Over the past few months, undoubtedly, Finn was the best thing to happen to me, and I had absolutely no intention of letting him walk out on me.

"Finn, wait!" I screamed.

"Please, don't go!" I begged him.

He quickly snatched his arm away from me, and continued to walk out.

I followed him down the stairs, out to the parking lot where his car was. "Finn, wait, please!" I said to him, to no avail. He fished his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his car. That was when I saw my chance to make him stay.

I quickly ran up on him, grabbed his keys and stood in front of him.

"You cant leave like this Finn! You can't" I said holding his keys behind my back. I finally looked in him in his face. His eyes looked so hurt. He looked nothing like _my_ Finn. Who was always happy and cheerful, and absolutely wonderful to be around all the time.

"Give me my keys, Rey" is all he said to me.

"Finn, please. Let's just talk..." I began to say, before he interrupted me.

" _Give me..._ my keys back Rey" he said holding his hand out.

I had lost. I had lost everything that I had. Everything that was important, or mattered to me. I gripped his keys tight, knowing that the second that I let them go, it was over. Not wanting to prolong the agony anymore, I threw the keys at him, hitting him in the chest and ran past him. I ran back up to my apartment, slamming the door behind me, and broke down on the floor right then and there.

I could always get another job. I could always get another place to stay. But Finn...well, I could never get another Finn.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good lord...I didn't plan to make the chapter that deep. Sorry for hurting our precious peanuts relationship y'all. I was going to make it longer, but I'm deciding to be a sick, sick person and leaving you guys with this ending for the time being. But don't worry, I pinky promise I'm going to upload another chapter on here soon. Thanks for reading :))


	16. Sixteenth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, it's happening again. You click on the Finn/Rey tag and the first nine stories are all reylo junk. (yes nine I counted) so I took it upon myself to update the feed with some Finn/Rey stuff myself just to make the page brighter. also have a new one shot in the making and cant wait to get it out to see what you guys think, hopefully you'll enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anybody else think that the last jedi was put on Netflix reeeally fast?? or is it just me? oh well...
> 
> y'all enjoy:))

February 4th,

 

Dear Diary,

 

I ended up sitting on the floor for a very long time after Finn left. I felt like I couldn't move for a while after crying that hard. Finn was gone, and I was all alone. I shouldn't have been so mean to him, knowing that he was only trying to help. That all he ever wants to do is help. But it was too late. 

Although our breakup had been literal minuets ago, I already began missing him. I missed him like I hadn't seen him in years. And it felt like a piece of myself had been lost forever with him not being with me. 

Before going to bed, I began thinking to myself about what Ben had said to me when I discovered that the shop was being put up for sale. Back when he said that I was nothing.

Was he right?

At the time he had said it to me, he was implying that I was nothing, simply because I come from nothing. While the latter was definitely a fact, I didn't think that the whole statement held true just because I didn't have a family or a home growing up like he did. But as I dwelled on it longer and longer, I felt that maybe his words might've ended up holding some merit. Because now I truly did feel like nothing, because I _had_ nothing. 

As I had said before, my possessions and livelihood could always be replaced. But it held little value now that I knew Finn wouldn't be there with me when and _if_ it ever came to fruition. 

Eventually, I talked myself into getting up off of the floor and dragging my feet towards my room. I plopped down on my bed, and didn't move again until noon the next day. 

~~~

When I did decide to get up the next day, I had walked downstairs just in time to see Ben shaking hands with a gray-haired man. It happened a lot faster than I thought it would have. The shop was sold. I knew that I needed to find a new place to live, with my thirty days nearly being up. But as long as the shop hadn't been sold my job was still safe. Now though, even that was gone. So not only did I need to start house hunting, but needed to start job hunting as well. 

I could always apply for the same position I had for the new owners of the shop, but that didn't necessarily mean that I would end up getting hired. So I decided to rather be safe than sorry.

Unchaining my bike, I rode to the nearest coffee shop (free Wi-Fi) and began looking for apartments nearby. I wanted to stay in the area, or as close as I could, seeing how it was a nice part of town, and I had become familiar with how to get from place to place. But I also had to be realistic in my search for a new home. The housing units within the area were more than I would be able to afford alone, so I had to push the boundaries a bit and look for places in the outter parts of town.

When I found one that I deemed  _okay,_ I rode over and immediately noticed that the apartment complex was way nicer in the pictures than in real life. While yes, it was an affordable place to live, I assumed that it was only affordable because no one in their right mind would willingly choose to live in such a place. 

Eventually, I found a door in the complex with the word 'manager' written across it. I knocked three times, before I was screamed at behind the closed door.

"What do you want!?' the man screamed from the other side of the door.

"Umm...I umm, my name is Rey Kenobi, and was looking for a room to rent" I said. Feeling awkward in the volume of my voice due to the fact that I had to nearly yell to be heard through the closed door, that simply needed to be opened by the person on the other side in order to talk face to face.

The door swung open, just barely missing me, before a sweaty and overweight man stepped out. I immediately felt uncomfortable by the way he was looking at me. I told myself that I should turn around and run, knowing that this was probably a horrible idea, but I tried to remain positive about it. Thinking to myself that maybe it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. 

"Name's Unkar, Unkar Plutt" he said, snorting through his nose, and then spitting out of his mouth.

I never thought that meeting a landlord could be so disgustingly uncomfortable. But then again, I hadn't really had much to compare it to. I went to extend my hand to him, but instantly decided against it. "My name is Rey Kenobi, and I..." I said reintroducing myself, even though I had just told him my name. But before I could even finish my sentence he interrupted me.

"Don't care what your name is  _girl"_ he said harshly. 

A tiny spark of anger began to fuel itself inside of my chest. Here I was trying to look on the bright side, in the face of a horrible situation, and this man wouldn't even refer to me by my name. He walked passed me to point at the buildings behind me for emphasis. 

"All the rooms are the same here at Niima Outpost Apartments, so I don't give tours. Rent's one eighty five a month, take it or leave it  _girl"_ he said once again rubbing me the wrong way by the way he addressed me. 

Quickly thinking on if I had anything to fall back on, I slowly nodded my head without looking up at him, feeling so defeated. Even though one eighty five enough reasonable, and ascertainable, it was still pushing my budget. 

"I'll draw up the lease papers for you to sign. After than move in whenever" he said coldly. 

Still keeping my head low, I followed him into his office, hoping that he would keep the door open...he didn't. I placed my hands around my arms, wanting to just sign the papers and get out of there, and away from this horrible man who was soon to become my landlord. I started wishing that I had asked for help like I had been thinking. But then I remembered who it was that I was going to ask. 

Leia had more than enough on her plate to worry about. So then I thought about asking Jessika or one of the girls for help. But then decided not to due to the fact that I would have to explain the  _situation_ if I was asked how Finn and I were doing. 

Unkar informed me that I would have to pay the first months rent, plus a safety deposit of two hundred dollars, which was really going to put a hurt on my finances. I began to think back to when I was in the foster system, and knew for a fact when I was younger that my life was bound to turn out something like this anyway. Which is why I didn't understand why I was so disappointed in myself. Knowing that it probably had something to do with when Mr. Luke introduced me to the Solo's. Renting a room, a nice room I might add, from them and having a job that I liked, while receiving a steady paycheck, and going to school got my hopes up into thinking that maybe I could do more with my life than I ever had thought possible. 

But in the end, living a comfortable life with the Solo's had perhaps made me soft. A few months ago, the foster kid version of myself would have never thought twice about it. Especially since I had been uprooted so many times in the past anyway. Going from good to bad houses never bothered me before but if definitely bothered me now. 

~~~

I had withdrawn the money needed to pay Unkar the next day and rode over quickly wanting to make sure he got the money in fear of something happening to it before I could. I then signed my name on the dotted line, in affect agreeing to be under this lease for the next ten months. He handed me my keys and then told me to get out of his office before slamming the office door in my face. 

Well...this was a good thing. Or as good as it could get for the time being. I had a place to live, and even though I would be living on a shoe string budget, I knew that I would have a place to go at the end of the day. Next came the hard part though, which was transferring all of my things over from the Solo's upstairs apartment building to the Niima Outpost apartments using nothing but a bike. A ride from someone with a car would have made things so much easier. But I allowed my pride to get in the way of asking for a ride from Ben, and I was trying to distract myself by keeping as busy as possible so I wouldn't think about Finn. Knowing that if I did, it would've made me sad, which would've made me cry, probably in affect preventing me from moving my things from the Solo garage to my new apartment. It probably would've hindered me from doing anything for the rest of the day. I know I would've ended up laying in my bed for the rest of the day like I had done yesterday.

It also didn't help than today was Finn's birthday, which made me feel even more guilty. I had bought his present weeks ago. It was a gift card to his favorite burrito stop, where he took me when we first met, and a nice picture frame with a photo of us in it. I tried so hard not to think about how I ruined his day, and how much I wanted to be there with him to celebrate it. Unfortunately so, the thought lingered in my mind throughout the day.

Once I had got back to the Solo's garage, I quickly noticed that nothing aside from the clothing, food, and toiletries were actually mine. The bed wasn't mine, the couch wasn't mine, nothing that I used for cooking was mine. The iron wasn't mine, the vacuum wasn't mine, the plant by the front door wasn't mine, even though I was the one who managed to keep it alive. Heck, even the decorations around the house weren't mine. 

So I decided to do what I had done in transition from the Skywalkers house to the Solo garage. I threw everything I had in a trash bag. Of course, Mr. Luke had given me a ride over so I wouldn't have to pack everything on my back, seeing as how it was 'impractical' as he said. I briefly thought about calling either him or Ms. Mara to see if they would take pity on me and perhaps help me with my things across town, but just as the case was with Ben, I allowed my pride from stopping me from asking for help.

Four trips later, I had finally got everything that was deemed mine from the Solo's garage to the Niima Outpost apartment. 

Turning the key in the lock, I realized that this would be the first time I actually would see my living conditions for at leas the next ten months. I pushed the door open and saw what was now my home. It wasn't bad...but it wasn't good either, not by a long shot. I walked in and was immediately greeted by a smell that I could only describe as musty. Some of the paint was chipping off of the walls, and there were spots on the floor that dare didn't think of what was there before it was wiped up leaving the floor stained. 

I drug all of my belongings in behind me, and looked around. It was bigger than the apartment that I was living at, but I definitely didn't get that safe, comfy, homey feeling that I got being here rather than back where I was living. 

While I was dragging one of the trash bags into what I assumed was my bedroom I heard one of the bags rip, spilling all of its contents all over the more than likely, dirty floor. I sighed trying to pick my things up not wanting them to be on the floor before I had a chance to clean up properly. I was throwing everything into another one of the trash bags when I heard a loud 'banging' sound through the walls. It caused me to jump, dropping all of the things I had picked up. 

I stood up, unsure of what to do next. It was a loud sound, but thought maybe someone had dropped something and that the walls in the apartment were just thin. I quickly discovered that this was not the case, when I heard screaming and what I could only assume to be two people fighting in the apartment room right next to mine. 

"Shut up!"

"Fuck you!"

"Get your hands off of me!"

Along with several other things were heard through the wall. But then the argument made its way into the hallway. The screaming was louder than it had been since it began and I ran to my door to lock the bottom, top, and chain lock. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself when I noticed my hands started shaking. 

I tried to go back to unpacking my things before the loud banging started up again, only this time it was on my door. I was going to ignore it, but it sounded intentional and not like someone had been trying to hit someone, missed and ended up hitting my door instead.

"Open up,  _girl!"_ I heard Unkar scream from the other side of the door. 

I was only slightly relieved to know that it was him and not one of my new neighbors who were beating each other up.

I unlocked all of my locks and opened the door just a bit. But it was pushed back and Unkar walked through, making himself at home within my personal space. 

"Spare key. You get one. You loose it, too bad for you, I don't make duplicates" he said tossing me the key. He turned around a slammed the door shut as the screaming and banging noises continued through the wall. 

My hands started shaking again, as I started to think if I would be able to handle all of this on my own for the next ten months. The screaming and banging got louder, as I ended up hearing another intentional knock on my door. I hadn't even got the chance to lock all of the locks again, so I opened the door and just as he had done the last time, Unkar pushed the door open, and stepped into my personal space.

"One more thing  _girl"_ he began.

"You're late on paying your rent, even by a day, and your outta here. Got it?" I took a step back, feeling extremely unsafe in my own home. But nodded quickly just so that he would get out of my apartment, and leave me alone, knowing that there could be nothing else that he could possibly want or need to tell me. 

He slammed the door behind himself, and the loud sound of the door and my screaming neighbors made me flinch. I quickly strode over to my door and locked all of the locks again before I broke down. I didn't want to, figuring I had done enough crying yesterday, but this was for a whole different reason more or less. 

All of what I was feeling though, ended up coming down to one truth, and that was that I wanted Finn. 

I was afraid of living on my own, in this horrible apartment on a shady side of town. I had lived in places like this before, but never alone. If I had to end up living here, I know that I would feel safe in this unsafe area if I knew that he was still with me. I probably wouldn't be living here at all, but with him, in his nice and safe apartment. In his strong protective arms. I wanted Finn so much right then it made me feel sick almost, knowing that for the first few months that I was living here, I would probably end up feeling like how I was now coming home every single day. 

I slid down against the wall in the bedroom on the dirty floor and continued crying. Some of my clothes and other belongings scattered about due to the trash bag that ripped. I looked up past my hands and noticed that the bed didn't even have sheets on it. It wouldn't be a problem if I had a couch to sleep on, but other than me, my several trash bags, and the noise from my own crying and my arguing neighbors, my apartment was completely empty.

I wanted to curl up in a ball on that dirty floor once the intentional banging on my door happened again. I wanted to scream and tell Unkar to leave me alone for the day, and for him to do something about the noisy neighbors so that I could think and so that they wouldn't end up killing each other. The knocking got louder and longer unsurprisingly. The moment I met Unkar Plutt I didn't take him to be a patient man.

Brushing my hands on my pants, I went to stand up. Dreading the moment when I opened the door knowing that Unkar would push past me and invade my personal space. I begrudgingly unlocked all of my locks yet again and opened the door. Surely I wasn't seeing what was right in front of me, or  _who_ was right in front of me. 

"Finn" I whispered.

"Rey...I" he began to say, only I didn't give him a chance. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. I held on to him as tight as I could for fear that he would change his mind and leave me there. 

"Please" I said, not really knowing what I was asking for. I just needed Finn to know that I was sorry, and that I didn't want him to leave me.

Finn drew his arms around me and held me back. Right away I felt better. He gently tried to pull me back as he began talking again, but I couldn't let him go. So instead he took a few steps walking us back into my apartment. 

My whole body began to shake as I closed my eyes drinking the moment in. I don't know what Finn came here to tell me, so I took advantage of the moment with him for as long as I could while I still had it. 

"Rey.." he began. Rubbing my back with his hands.

"Rey, I know that you don't need me to take care of you. I know that. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to take care of you, or help you out in anyway that I can because...well. Because, I love you" he said.

My eyes shot open, and my whole body seized up. Now  _that_ got me to let go of him. I pulled back from his embrace, but still holding on to him. I knew I probably looked like a fish with my mouth wide open, but I couldn't find the will to close it. My shaking stopped, save for my hands, which were rested on his shoulders. Out of my peripheral I could see them shake slightly, but my eyes had never left his, as his were glued to mine. 

He just told me that he loves me. And by judging the expression he was wearing on his face, I know that he meant it. My heart thundered in my chest. Never before had anyone ever told me that for as far back as I can remember, and Finn just did. 

"You..." I began, my voice cracking.

"You love me?" I asked him, unsure of what to say next, but needing to double check with him to make sure that he meant it, and to ensure that I heard correctly.

Finn looked surprised, as if it was common knowledge to the world. He gave me a gentle smile before holding me tighter. "Of course I love you Rey. In fact, I should've said that to you a long time ago. Because I've loved you for a while now."

I didn't know what to say. Well _,_ obviously I knew what I  _should_ say. But I was truly at a loss for words. He meant it, and I had heard right. Finn loves me. FINN  _LOVES_ ME!! The fact in itself made my face split into an enormous grin, because I knew I felt the same way. It's just that I had new knowledge that someone else cared for me enough to tell me that they loved me, and had no idea what to do with all these feelings I was feeling.

"I..." I stopped myself, not because I was unsure, it's just that I never thought in my life that I would say these words to anyone else and mean it with absolute resolve. 

"I love you too Finn" as soon as the words were out, I felt my stomach do several back flips. I wanted to say it again, and again, and again. Shout it to the world, and to Unkar, and the neighbors who were still screaming, and to anyone else within the vicinity who would listen. I love my boyfriend!

Finn reached up and wiped a tear away from my cheek that I had no idea was there, then pulled me back in for a hug. I buried my face in his neck and breathed his scent in, feeling such relief that he was here in front of me, and because of what he said next.

"Let me take you home Rey."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finn and rey sitting in a tree...k-I-s-s-I-n-g....lol. thanks for reading


	17. Seventeenth Entry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic life at el casa de Finnrey
> 
> also, just a little heads up readers. This chapter will contain some stuff about Rey's past. Some dark stuff, there will be hints of child abuse so be forewarned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for you Unseen_MrStanton. Thanks for helping me 'fight the power' on the de-clutterization of the Finn/Rey tag!!!
> 
> as always, y'all enjoy :))

February 19th,

 

Dear Diary,

 

My lovely, beautiful, all-mine Finn came back for me. He not only came back for me, but carried my things out to his car, and told me not to worry about getting out of the lease, and  _LOVES_ me!! 

Ugh, it's all I've been able to think about here lately. Finn loves me. Finn loves me and I love him. Finn loves me, and because of that, I did as he told me to do, and decided not to worry about getting out of the lease because he said that he would take care of it. And I believe him, because he  _loves_ me. 

I also didn't even hesitate when he offered to carry my things down the stairs for me. Normally I would've quickly told him, 'no that's okay, I can carry them down myself' but I didn't, because I knew Finn didn't mind. Because he  _loves_ me.

I felt like I was grinning like an idiot the entire drive over. Finn reached over and held my hand the way he always does whenever he drives me anywhere, but this time for some reason it held so much more gravity than it usually does. Like he was telling me that everything was going to be okay without saying a word. That all was forgiven, and that there wasn't a need for us to be mad at one another anymore. That we should move on with our lives together, because we love each other. 

Once we got to Finn's place...( _our_ place, gotta get used to saying that) Finn yet again offered to carry my things in for me. I said that that was fine but still carried some of my own things just so there wouldn't be a need to purposely go back for a second trip.

Finn opened the front door, and we were both immediately greeted by Slip, who must've been waiting there for us.

"She said 'yes' I'm assuming?" Slip asked smiling at the two of us.

"Well she's here isn't she?" Finn said back.

"Yaay!" Slip cheered as he threw, what I'm assuming was make-shift confetti, (Torn up pieces of printer paper) and enveloped me in a hug.

"Welcome home Rey, make yourself at home. Anything that's ours is yours now too" Slip said releasing me. "The only thing I would say is to watch out for the fruit roll ups in the pantry. I ate the last one once and am _still_ hearing about it to this day. Finn is by no means a selfish guy, but it crosses some emotional line with him when it comes to fruit roll ups."

I smiled at Slip and turned back to look at Finn who was just standing there rolling his eyes as he proceeded to carry some of the trash bags with my things in them into his room.

I picked up the bag that I carried in and followed Finn into his room. When I got in the room, he was opening his closet door then looked back at me.

"I cleared out some of my stuff so that you can have half of the closet" Finn said with a smile. He proceeded to walk over to the dresser draw and informed me of the same thing when it came to the available space in the drawers.

Even though I was happy that Finn had showed up to bring me 'home' doubt was still a lingering enemy in the back of my mind. I didn't want to invade his personal space and I didn't want to intrude upon the home that he and his roommate had made together that now they would have to change because I was here now.

"Are you _sure_ it's okay that I'm here?" I asked Finn. Even though I had asked the question already, in the car, and on the way up the stairs, I felt this nagging feeling for becoming a permanent resident in his space.

Finn said nothing. He gave me a gentle smile, walked over to me and held my hands. He pressed his forehead into mine and kissed my nose. I'm sure Finn could see my face reddening because he reached up with one of his hands and gently stroked my cheek.

"I want you here" he said softly.

"I want you here, and I want you to want to be here too."

I knew that he really honest and truly didn't mind that I was there, and did want me to live with him. It was just going to take some getting used to, to not feel so 'in-the-way.'

I smiled up at him and kissed him back before he let my hands go. I turned around to take my things out of the trash bags and tried to decide what would go where.

After I was all finished, I lingered my view on the inside of the closet for a while longer. I smiled to myself when I saw my clothes hanging up next to his things, and felt a wave of peace roll over me simply due to the domestic gesture of it all.

As Finn gathered up all of the trash bags, he noticed that there was still something in the bottom of one. I turned around to see him fishing his hand toward the bottom of the bag to retrieve whatever was in it. Once he finally found what it was he pulled out it out and held it in his hands. It was the birthday present I had picked out for him. A frame that held a picture of the two of us.

With Finn looking down at his gift, it made me feel happy and sad at the same time. I looked at the picture of us and was immediately able to recall where the picture was taken and what we were doing.

~~~

It was the day after we had gone to the beach. I had to work that day, and could barely concentrate because the previous night was one of the best nights I had had in a while. Finn took me to the beach as a surprise, and ended up kissing me before the night was over.

While my wrist was still sprained from the accident I had on my bike, I had told the Solo's that while it did still hurt, the swelling had gone down enough for me to do all of the work I was assigned that day.

During my lunch break Finn showed up and sat with me while I ate. He seemed nervous about something, and it made me panic right away. Like he was going to tell me that last night was a mistake or something equally disappointing.

But he sat down beside me, his hands jittering, before saying, "So...last night was...umm..." I braced for whatever it was that he was going to say. Something like, 'don't get it in your head that I like you or anything just because I kissed you.' But what he said next was surprisingly, and pleasantly so, shocking.

"You know what, I'm not gonna mix words. I like you Rey" he said finally looking up from his lap.

I most _definitely_ was not expecting that. My sandwich fell from my grasp and back into the paper napkin I had folded it into. My mouth fell open, as I tried to think of something, anything to say. But Finn kept talking, and what he said next with absolute certainty, made my day.

"Will you be my girlfriend? That is...if you, want to...if you don't...or you, uhhh. Think it's too soon, or if you just...umm...don't want to. But if you do, then that's great! Because I'd like that...too, but umm. It's up to you, so...I, um...yeah..."

I managed to close my mouth because I was smiling so hard at how flustered Finn was. As if I would've given him any answer other than 'yes.'

Still smiling, I quickly held my finger up to Finn's lips to silence his rambling. "Yes Finn, I'd like that."

Finn just smiled at me, before Leia burst around the corner clapping her hands and jumping up and down with glee. Evidently, she had overheard our conversation, and my answer.

"Oh Han! Han come quick honey!" she squealed.

Han quickly approached from around the corner before Leia grabbed him. She flung her arms around his chest and continued to bounce as she told him the good news.

"Oh the kids Han! The kids!! Oh congratulations!!" she said briefly letting Han go to place a hand on both my cheek and Finn's.

"Oh this is such a happy day! Oh where's my camera! I've gotta take a picture!" Leia said looking through the drawer at the front desk.

Han just stood there, completely unfazed by what was going to, but also attempting to calm Leia down.

"Leia, dear, just wait now. It's not like they're getting married" Han said. But Leia quickly stepped from around him.

"You never know!! That could end up happening next!!" she said.

I lowered my head, hiding how much I was blushing as Leia aimed the camera at us. So _this_ is what it must feel like when you introduce your parents to your significant other...embarrassing, yet completely and totally wonderful.

"Okay smile you two!" Leia said before counting down from three.

Finn quickly stood up, and scooped me up in his arms before looking back at the camera and smiling. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek to his cheek before Leia clicked the little camera.

Leia squealed once again turning to hug her husband. She hugged him so tightly she was able to lift her feet off the ground. Stonefaced as ever, Han just gave us a thumbs up before walking away with his wife still holding on to him.

~~~

It was such a nice and happy memory, but returning to the present, I remembered what the gift was for. It was because it was Finn's birthday, and instead of enjoying himself, he had been worrying about me.

Finn was still looking down at the picture, smiling without looking at me.

"Oh I remember this!" he said excitedly.

"Well..." I began quietly. "It's yours."

"What do you mean?" he asked. "I found this with your things."

He finally lifted his head up to look at me.

"It's your birthday present" I said trying my hardest to force a smile. It was his birthday, and I wanted him to be happy, but it was already four o'clock in the evening, and there had been no mention of plans for him to have a fun night going to dinner, or being with his friends or anything.

Finn looked back down at the picture, before looking back up at me. "I love it Rey. I know just where to put it too! I'm gonna put it on the kitchen counter so everybody can see it."

He walked out, I'm guessing to put the picture in the place he was talking about before I turned around to look in the closet again, this time to shut the door. With my back to the entrance, I was suddenly surprised when Finn came up behind me and threw his arms around my waist. He kissed my cheek before pressing his face into my neck. 

"Thanks for the gift babe. It's a good picture of us, isn't it?' he asked me smiling. 

I reached my hands down to where his were securely wrapped around me. I pulled his hands back just enough so that I would be able to turn and face him. His hands remained where they were, and my hands went to his shoulders. 

"So..." I began. "Did you want to do anything? Or go anywhere? It is  _your_ day. I feel a bit bad for you wasting it on coming to pick me up and helping me with my things, and..."

As soon as I was about to give Finn another reason why I had spoiled his birthday, he shut me up by pressing his lips into mine. He moved his hands to the small of my back and squeezed me closer to him. My hands went from gently placed on Finn's shoulders to wrapped around his neck. Finn took a few steps forward, making me walk back until my back was touching the wall. With no where else to retreat to, Finn pressed the front of his body into the front of mine. He deepened the kiss, and I accidently let a moan slip from my mouth. Finn let out an almost silent growl that made my heart stutter.

When he finally pulled back, I was so out of breath that I began seeing stars. Or maybe it was just because I was high off of Finn's touch. 

With my still closed, my breathing slowly began to regulate. Once I opened my eyes, Finn was staring directly at me. His gaze was so intense it made me want to look away or close my eyes again. But when I began to lower my head, Finn's hand quickly reached out to catch it to force me to look at him. 

"I want you to know" he began. " That as long as you're here with me, I'll be happy. I'm happy that you aren't mad at me anymore. I'm happy that you let me bring you here to live with me, and I'm happy that I can call you my girlfriend." He began stroking my cheek with his strong hand. 

"I'm  _so_ happy right now Rey. And it's because your are here. I don't want you to think that just because it's my birthday that I haven't been enjoying myself. Any time spent with you is always enjoyable. You've already made this the best birthday I've ever had, do you know why?" he asked. 

I slowly shook my head back and forth.

"It's because when I told you that I loved you, you said it back to me" he said leaning in to peck my lips. 

"You told me that you love me. For the rest of the day, no matter what the gift anyone else tries to give me, it will pale in comparison to what you've given me."

I didn't know what to say. Here I was thinking that I had ruined Finn's birthday, but with him saying all these things to me, I was concerned that I might end up crying in front of him again.

"Jeez Finn..." I said, looking down while my cheeks blushed red. Finn gently brought my face up to him again. 

"I love you" he said softly before leaning in to kiss me again.

~~~

I love Finn. Sooooooo very, very much. He's not just a great boyfriend but he's also a good person. When I woke up that day, I thought that all of what little I had gained on my own was all gone. But when I realized that thankfully I'd be able to hold on to some of it, it was because of him. He was going to help me work out through the issues that I was currently finding myself in. He also managed to erase all of the doubt I had about living with him, and the fear of being in the way. He and his roommate had accepted me into their home with open arms, and once I realized all of this at the end of the day, I was finally able to breath and much needed sigh of relief.

Once all of my things were put away in their respective drawers or places in the closet, Finn and I made plans for the evening. I told him that it would be okay if he had plans or wanted to go anywhere, but he had quickly told me that he would have many more birthdays where he could make plans or go out. But tonight, he wanted to make me feel welcome, and that he wanted me all to himself. 

"I know it's kind of a selfish thing to say, 'wanting you all to myself' and everything. But I'm the birthday boy, and I'm allowed to be selfish this one day" Finn said jokingly.

I presented Finn with his other gift, the gift card to the burrito shop he loved so much. He thanked me for it before saying that we should put it to good use and have 'burrito night-in.'

"What's that?" I asked smiling.

"It's when I go and pick up a burrito for me and my cute girlfriend, and then when I come back we can be lazy together and watch a movie or something. Interested?" he said wagging his eyebrows at me.

"Operation: 'Burrito night-in is a go" I said. 

"Great!" Finn said lifting himself off of the bed to plant a quick kiss on my forehead. "You can stay here and finished getting settled and I'll be right back."

Finn was gone a bit longer than I expected him to be seeing as how the burrito place was relatively close to his house. But when he got home he had the food bags in his hands and a mischievous smile on his face as well.

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing he was up to something. "What's going on?" I asked suspiciously. "Did you put extra, extra hot sauce on my burrito or something?"

"No, no. Nothing like that" he said innocently. "Just got you something."

He plopped down on the bed next to me and pull a key out of his pants pocket. He then handed it over to me before saying, "Welcome home."

It was just a key. It probably only cost a few dollars to make. But in not just allowing me to live with him, but giving me something that would allow me access to come and go as I pleased, made me feel something that I couldn't name. I felt happy, and grateful, and thankful, and so in love with Finn. I really lucked out with finding him. Chasing him down that fateful day all those months ago, thinking that he was a thief was actually the best thing that's ever happened to me.  _He_ was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

I thanked him for the key and quickly pecked his lips before we began eating our food. Finn had turned the TV on but it served as background noise more than anything as Finn and I ended up talking to one another in between chewing. 

Once the food was all gone we continued talking, but also trying to get into the show on the TV at the same time. I realized that it was getting late. I stretched my arms, and asked Finn if it was alright if I took a shower. He just looked at me incredulously, but leaned over to me taking me in his arms.

"Baby, this is your house too now. You don't have to ask for anything" he said.

Reluctantly, I backed out of his embrace, as I walked to the bathroom. But then quickly decided to turn around and get my clothes so I wouldn't have to walk back out to get them in  _just_ a towel.

"The towels are in the little closet!" Finn called to me. 

After the door was shut, I began stripping off all of my clothing. I knew I didn't need to lock the door, but just knowing that said door was all that stood in between me and Finn right now, in my current state of nudity, made me move quicker to get behind the shower curtain.

The spray from the shower was nice and warm. I stood right underneath it and let it rinse everything from the day away. The dirt, the sweat, the grime from that disgusting apartment, the sadness, the loneliness, the uncertainty, all of it. Every bad thing I was feeling that day, and let it all run down the drain.

After I was completely drenched I quickly washed my hair and my body. I felt like I had already been away from Finn for too long, and wanted to be near him again.

I climbed out of the shower after I turned the water off. Drying myself and my hair, I quickly put my clothes on for the night, and opened the door again. I peeked from behind the door just incase Finn was changing his clothes or anything. When I discovered that he wasn't, and was already in new clothes, I walked out the door before switching the light off. 

Finn laid sprawled out over the bed and smiled up and me. I smiled back down at him before I realized I was still holding my towel.

"Oh, umm...I didn't know where to put..." I began. 

"It's okay. There should be a hamper behind the door" he said. 

I tossed my towel away and made my way back to the bed. When I sat down a bout of nervousness ran through me. I had been in his bed before and slept right next to him, after New Years', but somehow, this time it felt different. I also knew that just because we were sharing the bed didn't mean that  _anything_ was going to happen. But the last time this happened we were both almost fully clothed. Right now I was just in a shirt, and some sleep shorts, and the same went with Finn. I wish I could've just turned my brain off, curled up next to Finn, and went to sleep. Because what I heard next, brought the doubt, fear and sadness right back to where it was.

"I'll sleep on the couch, okay?" Finn said. He smiled at me before gently patting my knee. He turned to get off of the bed before I stopped him.

"No" I said. "This is your bed Finn."

"It's your bed too Rey. I want you to feel comfortable, and safe here. And if that means not sharing the bed yet, then I'm willing to sleep on the couch" Finn said back.

I couldn't let him do that. It was nice of him to be doing this for me, and to make sure that I was okay, but still. He had already done so much for me today. There was no way I was going to let him sleep on the couch, but I also knew that he wouldn't let me sleep on the couch either. 

"Wait" I said reaching out to grab his wrist to stop him from walking away. I took a deep breath, and tried to remember how I felt the day that I woke up next to him. How fuzzy my memory was from the night before, but knowing that I was safe because Finn was there with me. It would be no different from how I would wake up tomorrow morning. 

"Can we..." I began, not really knowing where I was going with anything. 

"Can we,  _try_ to share?" I asked, wanting to kick myself for how stupid it sounded. 

But there was no judgement in Finn's eyes. He smiled down at me before shutting the door to the room, and simply replied "Of course."

"I'll sleep on this side" he began saying. "We can keep a distance between the two of us for as long as you need. But if you get cold or want to cuddle, just know that my arms are always open."

I smiled at him. I knew he was trying to put me at ease, and it was working. The nervousness was replaced with adoration very quickly.

"Just know that this time, you'll have to be the little spoon if you do want to snuggle. Last time I was, and I am  _no_ one's little spoon" Finn said. 

I rolled my eyes at him and tossed a pillow at him before pulling the covers back. "Well you were my little spoon... _little spoon"_ I said making a kissy face at him.

I went to go lay my head on the pillow on my side of the bed before it was quickly removed, causing me to land on the mattress instead of the pillow. I rolled over and saw Finn with the pillow in his hand leaning over me.

"I'm not your 'little spoon' and you just wacked me with a pillow, so we can totally go there if you want" Finn said. 

I put my hands up in mock surrender before quickly reaching for the pillow that I had thrown at him in the first place to block his attack. I got up on my knees as Finn and I proceeded to hit one another with the pillows we each possessed. It seems as though I started to gain the upper hand, because Finn knelt lower and lower to the mattress until he lunged forward and grabbed me around my waist and held me down to the bed. 

He used the weight of his body to keep me held down before I felt his hand creep to my side to give it a squeeze. My eyes grew big, I knew what he was about to do. I wiggled with all my might to try and get out from under him, but it was too late. He squeezed my sides as I howled with laughter.

"Finn, stop!!" I giggled. I realized that I shouldn't have said anything, and just acted as if I weren't ticklish, but it was too late now, the damage was done. 

"Finn! I will smother you in your sleep!" I threatened through my uncontrollable laughter that Finn was causing. I threatened him with everything I could think of to get him to stop, but he just kept on. After threats failed, I tried to roll away from him, but that was working either.

He finally decided to stop though, once I said through tears and laughter, "Finn, I think I'm going to wet myself." Than got him to stop immediately.

Finn sat up, placing his elbow on the mattress next to my head and leaned his chin on his hand. I tried to regain my breath as I held on to Finn's wrist at fear that he might start to tickle me again.

I took a few more deep breaths before Finn asked me if I was alright. I nodded my head yes before saying, "You're too big to be the little spoon anyway" I said to him, rubbing my hand up and down his arm, now positive that he wouldn't try to do it again. In turn he began rubbing my side. His hand was placed at my side where he had been tickling me, and I had just become aware that my shirt had ridden up a bit, and that he was rubbing my exposed skin. I decided that it felt nice, so I closed my eyes and leaned further into Finn's chest.

I left my hand on top of his shoulder when I spoke up. "Maybe we wont need the space after all" I said to him closing my eyes and ready to fall asleep snuggled up next to him. He didn't answer. He just laid there with me rubbing my side until it stopped abruptly.

I thought that maybe he had dozed off or something up until I heard him ask, "What's that?"

Not realizing what he was talking about, I asked him, "What's what?"

Finn leaned over me and closer to where his fingers were. He lifted my shirt just a bit higher to reveal a scar that ran from my lower back to my rib cage. 

"When did that happen?" Finn asked, concern all over his face. He brushed his fingers over it again before saying, "Wow, that must've been deep to leave a scar like that."

He was right. It was deep. When it happened, that is. Finn knew that I was a foster kid, and that I had bounced from house to house often when I was in the system. But I had never told him what had happened inside some of the homes that I was placed in. He never asked, so I never told him. But the topic was up in the air now, and as much as I just wanted to give a vague answer or just say that it was something that happened a long time ago, part of me couldn't. Finn has been nothing but kind and honest with me. He had told me that he loved me and that I loved him back. And with that love, I decided that Finn could be trusted with the bag of dark secrets that I had been carrying around all these years.

"I was pushed down the stairs" I said without looking at him. His hand went still on my said after I gave him my answer.

"What?!" he asked.

"I accidentally broke a window in a foster home that I was living in...so the foster father pushed me down the stairs." My mouth began to taste bitter at the awful memory that was being brought up. I could feel tears begin to form in my eyes as my mind wandered down the abusive memory lane that was my past. 

"Rey..." Finn whispered placing his hand on my face. 

"Finn..." I said, needing to get all of this out in the open before I lost my nerve. If the fear of my past grew big enough, I know that I would never be able to talk with him about this again.

"There are... _a lot_...of them" I said, hoping he would understand that I was referring to my scars. 

Finn looked as if he could've began to cry. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against mine. He whispered my name a few times, probably unsure of what to say or do next. But once he finally gathered himself, he pulled back and looked at me. "Can I see them?" 

I was unsure at first.  _Telling_ him about my past and  _showing_ him were two very different things. But I figured  _eventually_ he would see them. So with trembling hands, I backed away from Finn's loving embrace, and turned to sit at the edge of the bed. Without thinking too much about it, I lifted my shirt over my head showing Finn the awful memories that were physically engraved upon me, that I would have to unwillingly carry for the rest of my life. 

I felt the bed creak as Finn sat up. I quickly looked over my shoulder and saw his mouth agape knowing exactly what he was looking at. Long jagged scars, short raised scars, burn marks from cigarettes, and bruises that never fully healed. The memories associated with my old injuries began to resurface, and flooded my mind. The foster mother threw a glass cup at me when she had figured out I took money from her purse to buy food because she hadn't been feeding us. The foster father who stomped on my back while I was in bed because he was drunk. And one of the worst memories that I had tried to burry years ago from the house I was at before I was placed with Mr. Luke and Ms. Mara. 

He was the worst of the bunch. He would beat us all with a belt for no reason except because he felt like it. By this time, I thought I had seen it all, and tried to appear unafraid. But this man was truly insane, he would beat us until we would beg for him to stop. It was then that I realized that being stubborn with this man would only get me beat worse. He would grab on to my arm or hair and hold me down to hit me until I begged him... _begged him,_ for him to stop. But I thought that I was stronger than him, that he would get tired at quit before I would have to. That I was not, going to beg this man for anything. But it never ended up happening like that. I was beat so bad once that I couldn't walk for two days, hence the bruises that still lived on my skin that were years old.

Stuck in that awful memory, I was brought back to where I was. Safe, and loved...and half naked with Finn. My Finn, who I loved and who loved me, who would never hurt me, or even think of doing the things that where done to me to anyone. 

He leaned forward and wrapped his strong arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. He sniffled a few times, probably trying to fight back the tears that I saw when I glanced over my shoulder. 

He pulled me back further on the bed and into his lap. I leaned forward a bit so he in turn decided to rest his head on my back in between my shoulder blades. He squeezed me tight, tighter than he had ever held me before, but of course not to the point of causing pain. My sweet Finn would never hurt me. 

I could feel Finn begin to shake, but couldn't decide if it was from him squeezing me so tight, or if he was upset over what he saw.

Finn drew a deep breath in and let it go before he ghosted his lips over my ear and said, "Lay down."

He released his grip from me as I went to lay down on my stomach. I felt him hover over me as he gently placed his hands on my hips and he leaned down to press several kisses all over the expanse of my back. 

"Here" I heard him say in between kisses.

"Here" he said again.

"What?" I whispered.

"I love you 'here'" he said, kissing a scar that I knew ran from the base of my neck to my shoulder.

"I love you 'here'" he said kissing a different spot. "And here, and here, and here" he said as he continued his gentle assault of affection on my back. 

Finn had seen the ugly truth that was my past and didn't turn away. He was accepting me, flaws and all. I fell asleep that night with a smile on my face, my boyfriend holding me in his arms, and not caring that I didn't put my shirt back on. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for this to be so long but once I started I couldn't stop...things will 'heat up' in finn and rey's relationship momentarily. and when I say 'momentarily' I mean the next chapter ;))
> 
> please leave comments!! they make my day


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